Gourds On The March

August 11, 2005


About the only instruction you need to plant a gourd garden is… put the seeds in the ground… get out of the way.

Gourds have tentacles that reach out, wrap around objects, and pull their vines along, so to speak.

Gourds from the Brother Jones Gourd Garden (Northern Division) are on the march at this very moment. Climbing up sunflowers… strangling defenseless flowers… even attacking the almighty riding lawn mower. Is nothing sacred? We have barricaded ourselves in the house for fear that we are next to fall to these marauding pillagers.

Wait… whats that creeping under the door…

oh, no… can it be… no…NO…



The Comments

Keegan Jones

Haha! That is like a mini-jungle in the convenience of your back yard.

Don Jones

I say arm yourself with a machete… and hack as you mow.

Dennis Jones

Thunderstorms, Hail, Tornadoes… we had it all last Saturday… screens were ripped out of our screened in porch… lawn chairs were scattered everywhere… sunflowers blown over and lying on the ground… and tragedy of tragedies… gourd trellises and gourd plants all but ripped right out of the ground… fortunately for the Brother Jones Gourd Gardens (Northern Division) we planted half a gazillion plants this season just in case a scenario like this presented itself…

Doug Jones

… what about Toto and Auntie Em?

Don Jones

Nothing worse that a screenless screened-in porch. Half a bazillion gourd plants gone and only a half a gazillion left. I believe you need some sort of government grant to get you through.

Dennis Jones

…didn’t we vote at the last Brother Jones Bored Meeting to accept applications for Brother Jones Disaster Relief Grants?… where are the forms I need to fill out for one of those?

Doug Jones

I see another grand opportunity for the “Fleecing of America” here. I’ll have a GRANT… hold the pickle.

Don Jones

The farmers down here just got a Drought Relief Grant so they can dig more wells… The farmers are ticked cause it limits them to acquiring water when in reality they need to BUY HAY for food.

Doug Jones

Didn’t we submit a Krispy Kreme Grant at our last meeting? What ever became of that?

Doug Jones

Hay for food? Doesn’t sound too tasty to me… can they get some Ranch Dressing thrown in to kick it up a notch?… BAM!

Don Jones

We have even encountered some drought ramifications with our little well. On occastions, some air is appearing in our water. This indicates the pump is creating a tornado like funnel in the well and sucking down some air. We have instituted the emergency NO WATERING plan. Can tolerate DRY SOCKETS but not a DRY WELL.

Dennis Jones

wow… I have been downloading Real Player all afternoon with my lightning fast dial up modem connection so I can listen to sports radio on the internet and look at all the fascinating stuff I’ve missed out on… hmmm… ok, well then… I’m glad I was able to contribute to the farm report… and, uh… I think I will… go… download something else off the internet….

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