Trump Fires Four

November 3, 2005

ApprenticeBoardRoom

In last weeks shocking episode of NBC’s reality show The Apprentice, the entire Brother Jones staff was canned for a glaring lack of creativity.

The Comments

<{

Now wait a minute. I was sure I heard “You’re admired!”

Dennis Jones

…was that what that was? …well, I feel a lot better about it now…

Doug Jones

SocMo got a date with Robin on the way out though….

Doug Jones

I just love the way we are all giving the secret BrotherJones hand signal

Dennis Jones

…at that point we were willing to try anything…

Dennis Jones

…Socmo, (of course), could not remember the secret hand signal…

Don Jones

I guess our “Lynyrd Skynyrd” hearing was shining through there. I would’a swore I heard the Donald say, “Due to your glaring bald foreheads you’re fard!” (Arkansas translation)

Don Jones

Why are we dressing alike? Is that the official Brother Jones uniform?

Dennis Jones

Socmo’s idea…

Dennis Jones

…thats the last time we let him be project manager…

Dennis Jones

…at least Doug and I didn’t take his suggestion to wear funny hats into the boardroom… that didn’t work either…

Don Jones

If I come up and help you clean the house can I get a piece of apple cake?

Nick Jones Everybody

ok now that actually made me laugh outloud… maybe the creativity is coming back to the brojo site…. one suggestion…. MORE PODCASTS. Even if all you do is talk about sports you played in elementary school and cars you used to drive…. Ok well that was my one post for the month. I’m out of here.

Dennis Jones

…more PODCASTS… MORE PODCASTS… the pressure is just relentless… Don, I think it is time for you to unsheathe the musical podcast you have been holding in reserve that will embarrass Nick and Pete into not asking for any more PODCASTS…

Doug Jones

personally, I’d like a podcast with some golden oldies like, Begonji Boy, Bit ‘O Honey, Smelly Pirate song, Deerslayer Blues… and Alizarin Crimson… These should be shared with the world! cast them pods!

Dennis Jones

…well, uhmm… a couple of those would embarrass me and that wasn’t the idea here…

Don Jones

We would like to keep all humor and embarrassment directed at our visitors and our children. What are we… idiots wrapped in morons?

Pete Jones

hey pops, sorry to hear about that man…

Dennis Jones

…its ok, Pete… I will just keep on drawing funny pictures and hopefully we will be able to keep you in college…

Doug Jones

word is you are loading up your new website… when are you going to launch it?

Dennis Jones

shhhhh… nobodies supposed to know that…

Doug Jones

it’s STILL a secret… nobody really looks at this thing but you and me….

Dennis Jones

…you, me, and about a halfa Brazzillion of our closesest internet friends…

Doug Jones

You don’t actually believe those site stats do you?

Advertisements

Fold A Shirt

November 7, 2005

FoldaShirt

OK… I dont want to say that I’m easily distracted… but my wife emailed me this “How To Fold A Shirt” web page and I just spent the last twenty minutes in my studio floor with a t-shirt trying to figure out how to do it. I finally did… kinda… can you?

The Comments

Kyle Jones

Ern and I figured this out after seein it on Jay Leno… pretty nifty- impresses the ladies

Dennis Jones

…the one time I was actually able to do it the t-shirt looked like an elephant sat on it…

Doug Jones

The secret, Dennis, is speaking in Japanese while folding the shirt. It is much easier if you do this.

Dennis Jones

…hoooochiMAMMA… no… that didnt work, Doug… then again that might not actually be Japanese…

Doug Jones

try folding while repeating the words…. OOM PAPA MAU MAU….

Nick Jones Everybody

isn’t it supposed to be papa oom mau mau? Maybe you repeated it wrong, maybe that is why you are experiencing the problems?

Dennis Jones

…serenity now… SERENITY NOW

Harvest Time 2005

November 11, 2005

KarenInGourdPatch

Karen and our dog, Moo, are currently in the Official Brother Jones Gourd Patch furiously harvesting the crop. A rough early count indicates approximately 350 gourds this season. The gourd patch has also yielded approximately 25 golf balls… Pete…

The Comments

Doug Jones

Really SLOW week here at brotherjonesdotcom. I was beginning to think you went back to Cincy to harass those pigs again. So, has Moo learned how to fold a shirt in two moves?

Dennis Jones

I have just been swamped with work this week… not much time to play at the Brother Jones… the big news is… tomorrow Karen and I are going to a big gourd festival in Goshen… I will take a camera and report back in on this excursion next week…

Don Jones

I remember MOO… the gazillion dollar dog… lookin’ good. (Dennis’ advice to us on dog ownership, ”(All ya gotta do is feed ‘em.)

Amazing Race 2005

November 15, 2005

AmazingRace

I think the best reality show on TV is the Amazing Race. On Tuesday nights you will find Jones’s from all over the country huddled around their TV’s, tuned in to see what’s going to happen next. This season showcases teams of four family members. Unfortunately the team we were all rooting for got eliminated right out of the box.

The Comments

Doug Jones

It was all SocMo’s fault. He got us lost in New York looking for bananas.

Dennis Jones

…it was kinda scary the way we were all sitting in the back seat of the car screaming directions at Socmo and the way he just kept driving us on down the road with that creepy little grin on his face…

Don Jones

Fortunately I had taken a heavy dose of Dramamine and was resting soundly in the backseat. I woke up and we were off the show.

Doug Jones

I liked the sneer Phil gave SocMo when we finally made it to the first pit stop. It’s great the way they did the cutting and editing so it looked like we were racing to the end neck and neck with that other team… but in reality we didn’t finish till the next day.

Dennis Jones

…you guys are finished? …I’m still looking for Phil and that little mat you have to jump on…

Dennis Jones

…In hindsight… it probably was not such a good idea to buy plane tickets to Guatemala when the task was to get from the Statue of Liberty in New York City to Madison Square Garden in New York…

Don Jones

I’ve got every stitch of clothing on and I’m really hot.

Dennis Jones

…and dont think Doug and I haven’t been enjoying that… but the people where you work are starting to talk so I think maybe it’s time for you to quit wearing five sets of underwear on top of your dress pants…

Grand Opening

November 21, 2005

DJART

I would like to invite everyone to the official GRAND OPENING of the brand new, never before seen, DJ-ART Web Site.

After pleading, sniveling, and groveling for much of the summer I finally wore my nephew Keegan down, and he agreed to build a new website for me. What he has done is simply amazing.

I have also done a bit of housecleaning here at Brother Jones. You might enjoy checking out the two newly updated sketchbooks in my portfolio section.

The Comments

William Smith

Wow! That is a really, really cool website.

Doug Jones

Is William Smith on your payroll, Den?

Mike H.

Top notch!! Very well done!

Doug Jones

is Mike H. on your payroll too?

Dennis Jones

…wha… is this Mike n William from back in the DJ-ART Shipping, Handling, and Complaints Department? Big Christmas bonus checks for them this year if it is…

Don Jones

What a site! Really nice, Clark. (Den, send check to Don’s attention at Brother Jones Corporate R & D department.)

Dennis Jones

…too late… already sent with a big ATTENTION:WEB MASTER KEEGAN on the address…

Charles

Brilliant website!

Custom Built Dryer

November 29, 2005

GourdDryer

At this time I would like to introduce to the world the never before seen… custom designed, built, and conceived by me… Brother Jones High Tech Gourd Drying Device… or as it is officially referred to here in the research and development department, the HTGDD 5000… 2.0…

According to my scientific calculations, gourds suspended above ground will dry faster as more of their surface area is exposed to air. While the HTGDD 5000 2.0 is stressed to the max with a load of several hundred pounds initially, each day of drying produces a load that lightens several pounds per day.

I plan to be the George Washington Carver of hard shell gourds and this is my first step in that direction. There will surely be some sort of Pulitzer Prize waiting for me in the very near future.

(No animals were injured in the building of the HTGDD 5000 2.0)

(Any resemblance between the HTGDD 5000 2.0 and persons living or dead is purely coincidental)

Check out the new portfolio of gourds I posted today.

The Comments

Doug Jones

the HTGDD5000 2.0 is a vast improvement over the HTGDD4000 1.3… good work. I’d say you’d better be careful though.. you could poke your eye out with some of those. that gourd portfolio is also grand! good idea! On a side note… I bet the Colts are quaking in their boots at the thought of facing the Titans this weekend.

Dennis Jones

…thank you, thank you… well, we must not sit on our hands as hi-technology passes us by… I am already working on the all new HTGDD 6000 2.5 which features half inch pvc pipe instead of the three quarters inch I used on the 5000 model… also new on the 6000… rich corinthian leather…

Dennis Jones

…oh, and concerning the Indianapolis Colts… may I refer everyone back to a journal article I posted on August 16… I believe it will speak for itself…

Don Jones

Ingenius. Brilliant. A handsome addition to any backporch. I would think for the hyper drying mode you simply flip on the ceiling fans.

Dennis Jones

…the HTGDD 5000 2.0 also makes a dandy gift for the hard to shop for person on your Christmas list…

Don Jones

I will pass that along to whoever has drawn your name. (Delivery on the 17th I do believe.) Never can have too many HTGDD 5000 2.0s sitting around. Much like riding lawn mowers.

Dennis Jones

…so …how many broken down riders do you have littering your yard at the present time?… two?… three?…

Don Jones

My Cub Cadet is now safely wintering in the garage… the old Sears Crapman! is having a blade spindle replaced elsewhere.

Charles

Cool gourds!

Doug Jones

Dennis… >Tennessee has a great gourd growing season >We have four distinct seasons with a great spring and fall >We have ice hockey rinks and a pro hockey team >We never have to shovel snow >We have an NFL team that desperately needs your help. I will be looking for a house for you so you can move out of that frozen tundra and move to the promised land and work your magic on the Titans.

Don Jones

Dennis >Missouri has a wonderful mixture of the four seasons. >We have TWO pro football teams and ONE pro hockey team. >We lead the nation in meth lab busts. >Our NFL football team needs your kind of MoJo in order to achieve another Super Bowl ring. >I will be looking for a double-wide for you and the little missus so you can move to the beauty and serenity of the Ozark hills.

Roy

Dennis, your mother and I used to drink from gourds back on the farm before we had running water.

Dennis Jones

…I recently took a disaster relief training class and I believe I will now add dipper gourds to the list of MUST have items in my house… also on that list… candy bars, Folgers coffee singles… 5 comic books…

Doug Jones

don’t forget the Fritos

Don Jones

I heard you can start fires with Fritos… apparently they are quite flammable.

Roy

Another use for gourds. My grandmother used a small gourd which she inserted into a sock while she mended it. Suppose it may have been used on Socomo?

Don Jones

That’s it for me… I ain’t coming back here but once a week…