Lets Put This Issue To Rest

December 5, 2005

SportsLetter

There has been much rumor and speculation in the halls of Brother Jones Corporate Headquarters about an important issue that I would like to clear up at this time.

Yes… I lettered in sports in the 7th and 8th grade. I put a lot of time and effort into holding down my end of the bench during very important games and, as you can see, was richly rewarded for my valuable contributions to the team.

I hope this clears up any misinformation that seems to have been floating around out there.

The Comments

Doug Jones

didn’t you get a purple heart or something after getting splinter from the bench? It is all very fuzzy in my memory now… maybe the medal is in that box… keep looking….

Don Jones

Yes, you got a letter but wasn’t it the letter W? (mr. waterboy)

Dennis Jones

…well boys… my memory of those fabulous days of jr. high sporting are somewhat hazy now, too, I’m afraid… I know I was on the football, basketball, and track teams… I know I hardly played any time at all in the real games… only if we were winning by half a kazillion points…

I did have one highlight during basketball… (Don, you may remember this)… I was fouled in a game and was too shy to go up to the line to shoot… the ref could not remember who the foul was on so he randomly pulled one of my teammates to the line to shoot… little Donnie was a bit peeved with his older brother Dennie about this situation after the game…

Don Jones

That’s because I had relentlessly worked with you on the tennis courts honing your brick-of-a-shot free throw skills to no avail. You could’a been a b-ball phenom. Got an additional letter “P” or sumthin’.

Dennis Jones

…I cooda been a contenda…

Don Jones

The graphics of that “LETTER” document is top-knotch 70s style. That would be hard to duplicate now days with our slick fonts and sharp scans and graphics.

Dennis Jones

…nothing can touch a highly tuned mimeograph machine…

Don Jones

or the smell.

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The Wolves Are At The Door

December 7, 2005

WolvesAtTheDoor

The wolves are at the door here in Indiana. Well, ok, not wolves… coyotes.

One took a chunk out of our dogs leg a couple of months ago, but not to worry… it was nothing five hundred bucks couldn’t fix.

With this recent skiff of snow it is easy to see the tracks the coyotes leave when they are casing our house.

These photos show my investigative documentary reporting of the facts in this story.

(No coyotes were harmed in the reporting of this story)

(Any resemblance between the coyotes in this story and persons living or dead is purely coincidental)

The Comments

Don Jones

You need to ask Santa for a firearm this Christmas Den. Start packin’ some heat and those coyoteez will head for the hills. Plus, you and a sidearm could keep our chaotic family gatherings in line.

Dennis Jones

I guess I need to get that old flint lock muzzle loader I made cleaned up and ready for action…

Doug Jones

WOO! this was like watching a scary movie! When I got to the end, I nearly jumped outta my skin when I saw that wild maniac’s face… who IS that guy? No need to be alarmed, Den… the coyote is just looking for the roadrunner…. beep beep!

Don Jones

We got a whopping 3/4 of an inch last night! The traffic was at a stand still going to work this morning.

Dennis Jones

…our internet service has been on and off for the last two days now…

…we apparently received 8 inches of snow last night, but it doesn’t look like that much to me… it is really dry so it is all blown around and drifted in spots…

Atomic Rookie

December 12, 2005

AtomicRookie

My big brother took me snow skiing for the very first time. I was a freshman in college and got a call from Doug asking me if I wanted to go. Even though I had never actually even been in the same room as a pair of snow skis before I said, you bet and off we headed for Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

Being a novice at the sport I was given a pair of really short skis (which I can tell you is pretty embarrassing when standing in crowded lift lines). But what was worse was the brand name of the skis… Atomic Rookie… which was exactly what I was I suppose. Those skis mocked me the entire time I was there.

My form left much to be desired. Experienced skiers keep their knees and ankles tucked tightly together as they slalom down a hill. I kept my knees and ankles as far apart as was humanly possible one foot on a mogul up the hill the other foot on a mogul down the hill, all the while going as fast as was humanly possible on those short little skis. In other words, I was a train wreck looking for a place to happen. Good times.

Of course, I didnt look like a rookie skier, not at all. I looked like a seasoned vet. I wore a pair of big bell Levi blue jeans which I had sprayed with Scotchguard, a thin blue sweater, sunglasses, and I shaved my beard off and into a Fu Manchu for the occasion. My brand new pair of five dollar ski gloves completed my outfit. Yes, I looked very much like a professional skier. Im sure nobody suspected that I was, in fact, not.

All that to say, I found this commemorative picture Doug drew and sent to me after the trip and I thought he might enjoy seeing it again. Thanks Doug.

The Comments

Don Jones

That is really nice there, Clark. I felt as though I was right there on the slopes with you. A Fu Manchu always is a great facial hair stylistic choice.

Dennis Jones

yes, Don… as I was shoveling snow all afternoon on Saturday… and then shoveling the same areas again after church on Sunday, I seemed to remember that at some point in time snow was actually kind of a fun thing…

Doug Jones

YES! that is some amazing artwork, isn’t it? Notice how I drew the strap that keeps your ski connected to your boot in case of a crash. This is a critical thing. Also, I included your penicillin tag in case of emergency… and check out those bellbottoms! Our last day, we skied down the mountain in a blizzard and jumped in the car and tried to beat the blizzard outta Colorado. those were the days…

Dennis Jones

…Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen was popular at that time and I enjoyed hearing it pop up on the radio during that trip…

Don Jones

What does that small word balloon say down on the bottom right? Colts rule Chiefs drool.

Dennis Jones

…the word balloon says, “who was that masked man?”

Christmas Vacation

December 15, 2005

ChristmasVacation

Its time for the Annual Brother Jones Christmas Vacation report.

Karen had me string up a bunch of lights on the front porch. They looked beautiful for about ten seconds then something popped and they quit. I had to call an electrician to come out and replace two outdoor sockets. So far, so good.

One of our bathroom stools decided it would start running continuously. If it had been any other stool in the house I would have been able to ignore it and hope it would somehow miraculously heal itself, but since it was the one right next to my studio I could not. I replaced the gasket myself, but it took me half a day to do it.

My internet service has been on and off all month. An email finally snuck thru and it was from Keegan telling me my brand new DJ-ART website was gone for some reason and he was going to have to rebuild it. Somehow that one did miraculously heal itself.

A coyote took a chunk out of my dogs hind leg.

Last night I was taking a shower and the lights went out, then they came back on, and then they flickered several times. I later discovered that all this surging power had fried one of my Direct TV boxes. I was blessed to have the opportunity to purchase another one of those last evening.

The weather forecast is predicting blizzard like conditions for the exact days we are going to be traveling during the holidays.

And, last but not least when I tried to post this journal article today I got the dreaded FATAL ERROR message on my computer screen which means this fine epistle may never see the light of day

but

HEY, KIDS, I HEARD ON THE NEWS THAT AN AIRLINE PILOT SPOTTED SANTA’S SLEIGH ON IT’S WAY IN FROM NEW YORK CITY!

You serious, Clark?

The Comments

Doug Jones

my, my… somehow my life appears to be pretty good… in comparison… I feel much better now… hey Clark, since we won’t see you Christmas, go to your local WalMart and pick out a present for yourself… something REAL NICE!

Don Jones

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.

Dennis Jones

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?

Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

Doug Jones

OK… you made me laugh… why is this still so funny when I have heard it 3 brazilian times before?

Doug (not Jones)

Subject: Jelly of the month club- Eddie: “Clark, it’s the gift that keeps on giving all year long.”

Nick Jones Everybody

Clark: my cousin eddy’s heart’s bigger then his brain. Eddy: I appreciate that clark -Hallelujah… where’s the Tylenol…

Dennis Jones

Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain…

Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.

Dennis Jones

…well, that was interesting… Nick and I posted the same thing at exactly the same time…

Don Jones

do do do doooo… do do do dooo… That’s a little Twilight Zone background music for the Nick and Dennis identical comments.

Dennis Jones

Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark? Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights

Doug (not Jones)

Clark: Whats that sound? Eddie: Thats just snots yaking up a turkey bone, don’t worry about him, he’ll be alright.

Dennis Jones

Clark: We’re kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Audrey: We’re not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?

Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

Betsy

One of my favorites: Eddie: I don’t know if I oughta go sailin down no hill with nothin between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic. Clark: Do you really think it matters Eddie?

Dennis Jones

Eddie: It’s a good vehicle, ain’t it? But don’t you go falling in love with it now. Cause we’re taking it with us when we leave here next month.

[Clark chokes on egg-nog]

Roberto

Is anybody out there in America working right now, or just browsing the Bro Jones site & posting Christmas Vacation quotes? Clark: Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.

Nick Jones Everybody

Russ: Dad, that tree wouldn’t fit in our yard! Clark: It’s not going in our yard, Russ, it’s going in our living room.

Dennis Jones

Art: The little lights are not twinkling.

Clark: I know Art and, thanks for noticing.

Roberto

Audrey: I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas. Art: If they know your dad, they won’t think anything of it. The same thing could be said by my boys about me.

Banshee

I always liked how when he plugged in his Christmas lights, the whole city suffered a power drain. FOWA: week of 4-10-05

Don Jones

Here at the home we caught the television showing of this the other night… always good for a laugh.

mark davidson

The Queen of shopping graced me with her prescence and proved to me once again why she is the Queen! 21 hours of non stop shopping action was qwite a feat for someone of her age.

Queen of Shopping

Wow! I am pleased that I retain the title at my age. However, I can’t account for those alleged 21 hours. Maybe being stopped for a sobriety test erased my memory. What a joy, however, to spend time with fam at Christmas! DJ-art still rocks!!! (If only he had my little brother’s David Cassidy guitar he could REALLY rock!)

Pete Jones

thats awesome dude!

Blogspot Interview

December 26, 2005

Goliath

I recently did an interview for Character Design Blogspot. In a rush to get it submitted before leaving town I had to submit several illustrations from my Brother Jones Portfolio that you have already seen. There are, however, several new pictures of a job that I was working on at the time in various stages of finish.

The Comments

marcelo from Brasil!!!!!!

Great interview , nice advices and its was great to see that guys like Mort drucker and Jack Davis inspired your work! I love those guys styles !!!!  Mr jones , I wish you a merry christmas and a great 2006 filled with happyness and success!!!!!

Dennis Jones

Thanks Marcelo… I wish you the same for this coming year… keep in touch…

Paul Taylor

Hi Dennis- Thanks for sharing your thought process. I know all about that nasty “time issue”; everyone wants things yesterday. Glad to know I’m not the only one. Hope you and your family had a joyous Merry Christmas. All the best for 06!

Dennis Jones

Thanks Paul… I’m just happy someone connected the words “thought process” and my name together… they are traditionally non-sequiturs…