Weekend Update

March 5, 2005

BanjoHolder

Dennis Jones reporting in with my Weekend Update of Failed Art Attempts.

I have an old banjo that has been leaning against the wall in my studio for years now. My first project of the weekend was to try to build something that could hold the banjo. In my mind this holder was going to be a beautiful art piece. It ended up being a nondescript mess of wood, paint and screws. The good news is… it does actually hold the banjo (but only if you balance it just right). Yes, it turned out pretty bad but still good enough to be the feature picture here on my journal page!

Since that project went so wrong I decided I would whip out a really cool picture for my portfolio page.

I knocked out a pretty decent drawing of an Indian and then proceeded to paint the living daylights out of it. You can always tell when I struggle with paint because the picture is dark and muddy. Realizing I was on a sinking ship I shifted immediately to last resort mode and started splattering paint all over the top of the picture in a pathetic attempt to trick people into thinking this is exactly the way I wanted it to look and it is actually a piece of really fine art. …but to no avail. Another bad job… but still good enough to be featured on my portfolio page!

We do have high standards.

BROTHERJONES.COM… Where the quality runs out… before the website locks-up.

Contemplating my next attempt at weekend art, I chose instead to put on my inline skates and cruise the neighborhood for a while. Fortunately when I got back I no longer had a desire to be creative and instead flipped on the TV, flopped onto the couch, and watched the Biker Build Off Marathon the rest of the afternoon.

I still cant figure out how everything they build on TV turns into something beautiful, and how everything I build turns into something that is only a day or two away from being hauled off to the land fill.

The Comments

Doug Jones

I guess I will have to agree with you here, Den. You are a complete and total failure at art. Have you ever considered selling Rainbow vacuum cleaners door to door? I hear it is very lucrative.

Don Jones

Dennis Did you incorporate some tinfoil in that banjo stand? What is the shiny stuff? I can still hear your rendition of Cripple Creek ringing in my dirty deaf ears

Dennis Jones

HEY!… I sold one of those sweepers in ‘77 so BACK OFF, man…

Dennis Jones

…sorry to snap at you, Doug… but I took my vacuum sweeper job very seriously… all nine days that I had it…

Dennis Jones

…that job was right before my plumbers assistant job digging ditches… that was one rough summer…

Dennis Jones

I started that summer selling shoes at Steves Shoes in downtown Kansas City…

Dennis Jones

I think I ended that summer sleeping in your floor in Nashville and drawing caricatures at Opryland…

DJ

And then they shut Opryland down right after you left right? Because we now have an overpriced mall in its place. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?!!!! WHY?!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!

DJ

You mean that’s a banjo? I thought that was one of your gourds. LOL.

Doug Jones

You can actually

Doug Jones

write more than a sentence

Doug Jones

on these comment things

Doug Jones

But this way it looks

Doug Jones

like you have LOTS of comments!

Doug Jones

good thinking, Dennis

Dennis Jones

I am shooting for the BrotherJones record for most journal comments and this seems to be the only way I will get it with this lame entry…

Don Jones

For a flood of words and a drought of ideas it’s BROTHER JONES!

Dennis Jones

…brothers… I hid a little surprise on the website yesterday… have you found it?

Doug Jones

As Schultz (Hogan’s Heroes) used to say… “I see NOTHING… NOTHING!”

Dennis Jones

Schultz… that could be helpful…

Don Jones

Hey, it’s like a treasure hunt! I hate treasure hunts.

Doug Jones

me too… I think he’s just trying to get more posts on this page

Dennis Jones

I am sure if you take the time to travel around the website you will be able to find the hidden treasure…

Don Jones

It’s more like a wild goose chase… so to speak.

Dennis Jones

Yes, Don… but let’s not lose site of what I am trying to accomplish here… only THE RECORD MOST NUMBER OF COMMENTS IN BROTHER JONES HISTORY! WOO WOO!

Marjorie

Happy Birthday! From one well-adjusted middle child to another.

Doug Jones

Since you don’t seem in a hurry to change this thing, I’ll add another comment to your list. It is hard to tell… is this stand made out of aluminum foil? Sure looks like it. Aluminum foil and turquoise is a killer combination!

Tami Otterstatter

Is it legal for someone who’s not a Jones to post a comment? Actually, spelling Otterstatter 50 times a day makes me long to be a Jones. Just checking in to see if I can find a brilliant artist to take a chance on a newcomer’s picture book… no banjo stands please! This must be my day! Not only did I track down my favorite illustrator, it looks like I also caught up with the guy who sold us that Rainbow 28 years ago – I think you owe me a drapery attachment!

Doug Jones

This IS your lucky day! Honorary Jones monikers can be purchased from the Brother Jones store. For a mere $50 YOU TOO can be a JONES.

Dennis Jones

Hi Tami… yes, it is legal for non-Jones’s to post comments here… it is actually encouraged… and Brother Doug graciously seems to be willing to sell you a Jones surname…

(we are very careful about handing those out… would not want to see a glut of Jones names out there)…

This would make it simpler for you to post in the future… instead of having to spell out that long, drawn-out Tami Otterstatter everytime, you could simply spell out Tami OtterstatterJones… much easier…

Doug Jones

hang on there… OtterstatterJones would cost EXTRA! Tami “when in doubt add a T” OtterstatterJones OK, how much extra if I hyphenate? Otterstatter-Jones adds that touch of class I’m after. Can I get a mug with that?

Dennis Jones

Hyphenation is always encouraged here at BrotherJones and is free… however… you cannot type over the date on your post as you did above… we will have to charge you extra for that…

Doug Jones

I think Tami deserves the BrotherJones COMMENT OF THE WEEK award given for entertaining comments above and beyond the usual drivel that gets posted here. What do you guys think?

Guy

yes

numero dos guy

si

Dennis Jones

Since I have been gone for a week and this is the only comment I have seen since I got back I will vote… yes… unless a better one comes along…

Tami Watchamastatter

I’ll-take-what-I-can-get! I’m afraid my 5 year old son has already trumped me on comment of the week: “My new friend’s name is Hannah. Too bad she’s a girl.” We gotta cut that child’s testosterone dosage!

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Squid Lips Sid

February 17, 2010

OneEyedPossum

What we have here is your basic one eyed, peg legged pirate possum selling fake Rolex watches to unsuspecting tourists…

The Comments

The “Ripleys” Guy

I just saw him in Cancun last week! Are you serious…..the watches aren’t real?

Don Jones

Obviously this Cancun pirate vermin has ties to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum in Branson. Either that, or he used to be employed by Sammy’s Lane’s Pirate cruise on Lake Taneycomo. I love this little hustler…

Dennis Jones

…hey, did I ever tell you I actually got a job way back when as the Sammy Lane’s Pirate Cruise tour guide/banjo player guy but chickened out and quit before my first day because I knew my banjo playing wasn’t going to be near good enough… true story…

Doug Jones

Oh yeah… the old basic one eyed, peg legged pirate possum selling fake Rolex watches trick… and I fell for it again… now I have 12 Rolex watches…

Dennis Jones

…well, if you bought them from Sid, you’ll need 12 more in about a month…

jack foster

Great pirate possum Dennis! Love this guy! I got one of his watches for my wife on our honeymoon. Bad idea! lol I’m a huge fan. :o)

Dennis Jones

…you can’t go too far wrong with a nice pair of fake Oakley sunglasses, but we might want to draw the line at the fake Rolex watches…

Don Jones

We scored Oakley knockoffs at the gas station in Mountain Grove… need to check out the fine jewelry next visit. Probably behind the counter and the corn dogs.

Dennis Jones

…a word to the wise …don’t buy the fake corn dogs…

Nik

Awesome,love the mouth there.

The “Ripleys” Guy

The corn dogs weren’t real?????

Jeff

They are real, just not real corn or dog…..

Dennis Jones

…surprisingly, the fake corn dogs ARE actually real corn and dogs… whooda thought?

Don Jones

I hear ya on that banjo-playing back out pirate gig… any self respecting pirate can only play Cripple Creek so many times…

Dennis Jones

…aaArrgg matie …and Cripple Creek be the one and only song I can play… be it then or now…

Jeff

O.K. I learn something new about Dennis every week….I had no idea you could play a Redneck Harp..

Dennis Jones

…well, the word “play” might be putting what I do with a banjo a little strong…

Don Jones

10 ways to improve your banjo playing, Den

1. Buy wire cutters
4. Wear ear plugs
3. Accompany a tuba
6. Play underwater
5. Play in a dark, soundproof place such as a closet or car trunk
9. Visualize Playing Banjo- only.
10. Give your banjo away

Doug Jones

Q. how do you get a banjo player to leave your porch? A. pay him for the pizza

Juan Villarruel

Great,wonderfoul

Dennis Jones

…Doug, you still got your banjo?

Nik

..and Banjo is his name-O!

Johanna Urban

Thats a old scary rat! I love it 🙂 Have you made it? Johanna from Sweden