Championship Mojo

August 16, 2005

ChampMOJO

What you have heard is true… NFL Championships follow me wherever I go. It doesn’t seem to matter how bad the team is when I arrive in the state, it becomes good when I get there… and then it wins the Super Bowl.

I grew up in the Missouri Ozarks and during that time the Kansas City Chiefs went to two Super Bowls, thanks, (of course), to the fact that I grew up in the state during that time. As you can see, the Dennis Jones Championship Mojo was kicking in even at this early age. I left the state and the Chiefs have never returned to the big game. Sorry Chiefs.

I moved to the Dallas/Ft Worth area the year the Cowboys fired Tom Landry. During my first season in Texas, that team won only one game and lost fifteen. Three Super Bowl wins later I decided it was time for me to move on. I had done about all I could do for the Cowboys. The team fell apart when I left the state. Sorry Dallas.

When we moved to Indiana, the Colts were another one win, fifteen loss team. Anyone that pays attention to football knows how much I have improved the team since moving into the state. Is this the year the Colts move past New England to claim the Vince Lombardi Trophy?

I believe my track record speaks for itself.

The Comments

Don Jones

I was all pumped for some Monday Night Preseason football last night… but to no avail. I ended up watching The Titans movie deal. I took a straw vote and you’re out of the Hall of Fame. Did you notice our draft is set for a week after the season starts?

Dennis Jones

hmmm… no I didn’t… thats different… but I still like the way there is a playoff at the end…

Doug Jones

I need some help… can one of you send me a cheat sheet? I need to climb outta the cellar this year…

Dennis Jones

Hey… I already told you Rex Grossman would be a great pick up for your team THIS season… he’s supposed to be the next Brett Favre…

Don Jones

I believe you can just let the AUTO DRAFTER kick in for you Douger and you’ll get the best players available according to their cheat sheets… I’m going with it. No use wasting any brain power on this… Dennis always wins anyhow. NFL Football is his Jones.

Dennis Jones

I’m using the Auto-Drafter… all I ever do is take the next highest guy on the list anyway… why not let the computer do all the work and then we can gripe, complain and blame the darn computer for our inevitable upcoming league failures…

Don Jones

It’s sort of an auto fantasy football league… no cost, no thinkin’, no problem. What fun!

Dennis Jones

…pretty much the same reasons I watch tv…

Doug Jones

I was going to auto draft all along… just trying to get some chatter going…. We could just flip a coin and see who wins the season. That’d be even more better!

Advertisements

Mutant Gourds

October 25, 2005

MutantGourds

Every year we end up with mutant gourds. The top picture shows two strawberry gourds from last season. The first one is a normal five inch gourd and the second is a fifteen inch abnormality.

The other picture shows this seasons mutant. It is a basket gourd. They are supposed to be big, but this one is a monster. I put a baseball on top to give it some scale. I am guessing it probably weighs a couple of hundred pounds. I am guessing that because it is still green, mainly all water, and is so heavy that I cannot lift it off the ground.

Some people put bird baths in their yards to decorate with… but since this thing is too heavy to move, I guess it is going to have to be our new lawn ornament.

The Comments

Don Jones

woah… don’t hit that with your mower. I think this has the makings of a great Christmas present… I am preparing the slips of paper for the Christmas name exchange… Do you guys want any particular name? I’m presently taking special requests.

Dennis Jones

I would like to get Dennis’s name this year… and I want to get him something REALLY nice, Clark…

Don Jones

You got it… I suggest hitting the LIGER shoppe. They run specials every Friday: LIGER FRIDAY.

Doug Jones

If you cut the top off that big gourd and put a handle on it… it would make a coffee mug almost big enough for you in the mornings.

Dennis Jones

…and wouldn’t the coffee be just spectacular with that little hint of gourd taste in it… mmmm….

Doug Jones

Hazelnut flavor with gourd roughage… for that get up and go feeling in the morning! Hey, looks like the COLTS and the PREDATORS are both undefeated this year. Maybe they should play each other. I can see Peyton completing a slapshot into the end zone and getting an icing the football penalty.

Don Jones

They don’t hold a candle to your undefeated SCREAMIN’ SOCMONKEYS Doug. Wonder when Dennis is going to come calling on that Phlegm-Weasel side wager?

Doug Jones

The screamers took a hit this weekend… alas

Dennis Jones

Hey, Don… your crummy players cant even beat my loser, bottom feeding team of weasels… why would I want any of them? You can keep ‘em… I mean… I already have a team full of great players like Ricky Williams who has a combined 2 week rushing total of minus 3 yards… why would I want any of your losers like Priest Holmes and Shawn Alexander… I’m starting Ruben Droughns this weekend at running back and teaching those Boston Banshhees a lesson…

Betsy

The Brother Jones are working on drawing names for Christmas? The Sister Jones will be so excited!

Dennis Jones

…were working on WHAT?… I must not have received the inner office memo this morning…

Dennis Jones

Here are my suggestions for Christmas 2005 in Mtn Grove…

After everyone arrives we start immediately with the annual “Airing Of Grievances”… during this time we share with family and friends all the ways they have disappointed us over the past year…

We follow the “Airing Of Grievances” with the popular “Feats Of Strength” where the head of each household tests his/her strength with another family member.

Then we can open our gifts which have been carefully placed under the holiday aluminum pole…

(I am aware this may need some tweaking, but we have to start somewhere)…

Don Jones

Dennis, I like your thinking here. Get the negativity out of the way so we can proceed to the true meaning of the holidays… eating. Will you be bringing anything good to eat this year? I’m sure the sugar cookies will be in abundance along with a wide assortment of fudge and pie. I’m digging out my James Taylor Christmas today…

Betsy

Yes! A Festivus for the rest of us!!!

Don Jones

B.Y.O.A Bring Your Own Anesthetist

Betsy

I’ll see if I can round one up somewhere. We’ll definitely need one for all the back pain people will have after the feats of strength!

Dennis Jones

Betsy… a donation has been made in your name to the Human Fund.

Don Jones

Betsy I paid $89.95 and had a star named and registered for you. The Ellett. It’s in the fourth galaxy just a little left of the North Star. On a clear night you still can’t see it. Enjoy.

Dennis Jones

…hey, thats not a bad gift idea, Don… maybe I’ll get a couple of those for my boys this Christmas…

Betsy

Woohoo! Money for People and a star I can’t see. I’m just raking it in today!

Don Jones

I can already see these in the western sky The Nickstar and Pete’s Precious Guiding Light.

Doug Jones

I’m bringing a great big bag of Cheetos with me and I will be trading it for some hits of Nitrous Oxide.

Don Jones

Great idear there Doug. Cheetos will get you a big hit of something… plus some orange fingers. Maybe we can all get knocked-out and do a Brother Jones podcast. I doubt if our audience could tell any difference.

Doug Jones

podcast…. PODCAST! That’s what Dennis should do with that mega-gourd. Have a gourdcast. See how far you can lob it on live podcasting internet radio! Grab that laptop and hit the road to Huntington, Don. …. and listen to the Monkeys on the way…

Don Jones

Don’t tempt me. If I didn’t have my monthly haircut scheduled… I’d be gone. Plus, I have to pick Lola up from the Vet today.

Betsy

I’m thinking that donations to the Human Fund and the naming of stars would be great prizes for the annual Dube Bridge game.

Lets Put This Issue To Rest

December 5, 2005

SportsLetter

There has been much rumor and speculation in the halls of Brother Jones Corporate Headquarters about an important issue that I would like to clear up at this time.

Yes… I lettered in sports in the 7th and 8th grade. I put a lot of time and effort into holding down my end of the bench during very important games and, as you can see, was richly rewarded for my valuable contributions to the team.

I hope this clears up any misinformation that seems to have been floating around out there.

The Comments

Doug Jones

didn’t you get a purple heart or something after getting splinter from the bench? It is all very fuzzy in my memory now… maybe the medal is in that box… keep looking….

Don Jones

Yes, you got a letter but wasn’t it the letter W? (mr. waterboy)

Dennis Jones

…well boys… my memory of those fabulous days of jr. high sporting are somewhat hazy now, too, I’m afraid… I know I was on the football, basketball, and track teams… I know I hardly played any time at all in the real games… only if we were winning by half a kazillion points…

I did have one highlight during basketball… (Don, you may remember this)… I was fouled in a game and was too shy to go up to the line to shoot… the ref could not remember who the foul was on so he randomly pulled one of my teammates to the line to shoot… little Donnie was a bit peeved with his older brother Dennie about this situation after the game…

Don Jones

That’s because I had relentlessly worked with you on the tennis courts honing your brick-of-a-shot free throw skills to no avail. You could’a been a b-ball phenom. Got an additional letter “P” or sumthin’.

Dennis Jones

…I cooda been a contenda…

Don Jones

The graphics of that “LETTER” document is top-knotch 70s style. That would be hard to duplicate now days with our slick fonts and sharp scans and graphics.

Dennis Jones

…nothing can touch a highly tuned mimeograph machine…

Don Jones

or the smell.

Official Draft Day Report Card

May 1, 2006

BenRothlesburger

…2004 Draft Day Bust Ben Roethlisberger…

Every year I enjoy listening to the “experts” predict what players will be drafted by different NFL teams. It’s fun on draft day to listen to these same “experts” analyze why the NFL teams took different players than the ones they said they would.

What I find most interesting is seeing the “experts” post report cards afterwards on how the draft went. They give each team a letter grade on how well they drafted. I suppose this letter grade is contingent on how closely the team picked in relation to the “experts” predictions for them.

Well, not to be outdone, I now give you the Official Brother Jones Report Card grade… B- …maybe a C+…

..I base this grade on absolutely nothing…

…just like the “experts”.

The Comments

Don Jones

The NFL excitement was in the air on Saturday. I tuned in to my five local antennae stations but no DRAFT DAY coverage. I give the K.C. Chiefs a solid B for going out and rounding up some DE by the name of Tamba Hali. I like the name and believe this boy can play.

Dennis Jones

I’ll have to give Tamba Hali a B+ for being drafted… but I am afraid I will have to give him a D- for having a hard name for me to pronounce…

I also give Dons comment a C+…

…and Doug a D- just for fun…

Don Jones

Doug’s D- is for desertion. He’s been a no-show since last Friday. I give you an “R” for this awesome Rothslithburger drawing.

Dennis Jones

…well …sorry to say, Don, I have to give you a D- for not being able to spell Roethlisberger… but I give Roethlisberger an F for having an impossible name to spell…

Doug Jones

D- Doug reporting in…. The Teen Titans and all of Nashville seem to be THRILLED with their new draft pick, Vince Young. Word on the street is McNair is trying to get a deal with the Ravens… it’s a weird world…

Doug Jones

I’m boycotting BrotherJones today to support my fellow Hickspanics.

Dennis Jones

…oh, I see… you walked off the Brother Jones job site today… I’m afraid I’m going to have to change your grade from a D- to an F for that… sorry…

Doug Jones

F? …. F? …. that’s Fantastic!

Don Jones

I was thinking Vince Young used to be in Pure Prairie League and married Amy Grant a few years back. Now he’s been drafted!!??? I give him a grade of V for versatile. Had dinner with Michael Card last night… O.K. I was just in the back of the room and saw him at a distance. I did get a door prize of his new C.D.

Roballoo

The stunned look on the player’s face looks like he was hit in the helmet with a football.

Roballoo

Michael Card ~ He’s a talented little chap. Recently, I wrote some new words to his song “So little time…” Whole lotta food. So little time. It’s a church potluck, and there’s a long line.

Don Jones

I’m sure if Michael heard this rendition he would incorporate it in his concerts I give this comment a strong B+…

Dennis Jones

…I think that lyric would have worked much better if it were switched around…

It’s a church potluck, and there’s a long line…
Whole lotta food, so little time…

…so I am going to have to grade him down a bit for that… B-

Don Jones

Second verse… I know it’s wrong, and certainly a sin- But Uncle Roy’s up front, So I’m cuttin’ in.

Roballoo

Good one. maybe Mr. card will hire us to work on his next album!

bernardfromtheyard

Hey guys, What a cool site… I give myself a D- for not being named Jones but I love football almost as much as Dennis’ art! How much to buy a Big Ben Parody design for our T-Shirt store?

Doug Jones

Darn!!! what’s going on with LOST? I am still in shock over last nights episode!

Regional Football Coverage

September 18, 2006

PainterTestRod

…a 30 minute color sketch…

NFL regional football coverage is great IF you like the team in your area. If you don’t like the team in your area… well… too bad… you’re going to watch your regional team play every Sunday anyway.

Doug lives in Nashville and gets to watch the Titans game each week. So far they have scored a grand total of 23 points in their two games and are currently 0-2.

Don lives in Missouri and gets to watch the Chiefs play each week. So far this year they have accumulated a whopping 16 points and are currently 0-2.

I live in Indiana and get to watch the Colts play each week. So far they have racked up almost 70 points in their two games and are currently 2-0.

This is about the only time of the year when it’s really good to live in Indiana.

The Comments

Doug Jones

Go ahead… rub it in… say… is this a digital doodle Denny? it’s nice and loosey goosey…

Keegan Jones

The Colts are the most exciting team in football to watch these days. Gotta call it now, Colts in the Superbowl.

Don Jones

Let’s not forget those San Diego Chargers… They just might give Peyton a run for his money.

Doug Jones

au contraire… The Titans are even MORE exciting! At the end of 3 quarters of play, they had racked up 2 (yes, TWO!) first downs! And one of those was the result of a 15 yard penalty on the Chargers. What a team!

Dennis Jones

…watching the Colts play live is a lot like watching the Colts play on the Madden Video Football Game… everything seems to work for them…

Don Jones

I think Coach Jeff may want to look into a greeter job at a local Nashville Wal-Mart. “Welcome to Wal-Mart. You may recognize me… I’m the former Titan’s coach. Enjoy your shopping experience… the milk and eggs are located about 30 yards deep, corner slant.”

Dennis Jones

HEY HEY HEY… BIG NEWS IN HUNTINGTON INDIANA… we have a brand new Walmart Super Center opening here THIS WEEK… now we have a McDonalds AND a Walmart Super Center…

…we has arrived!

Roballoo!

I think you’re right Don – it does have that bit o’ digital look to it. What I’m wondering is how’d Dennis get that football player to sit stil long enough on a Sunday to sketch him?

Doug Jones

yeah… answer the pressing question, Den… what media is this?

Dennis Jones

…digital …definitely digital …Wopner …time for Wopner …definitely time for Wopner…

Doug Jones

digital Whoppers? Whaaaaaat?

Don Jones

Den, last week at our local Wal-Marts they had Fritos or Cheetos for a buck a bag. You many want to look for that up there at your grand Super Center Opener.

Dennis Jones

…well… you can bet I’ll be there when the doors open… and probably have orange Cheetos crumbs strung down the front of my shirt a few hours after…

Don Jones

For me it’s the orange fingertips that gives me away… and the orange ring around my mouth… not that I inhale these processed pieces of cheese flavored fabricated cardboard or anything.

Doug Jones

I believe that the correct term for the orange stuff left on your fingers is cheedle… mr trivia….

Dennis Jones

…hmm …you can learn something new every time you visit Brother Jones… it doesn’t amount to much, but it’s new…

Don Jones

That is one word I am adding to my vokabularry.

Doug Jones

ARRRRGH!

Injecting Fantasy Into Football

November 28, 2006

WaterlooWhales

…All-Pro Billy Bob Durkins…

I came across this old sketch and it reminded me of how much fun I used to have with fantasy football. I started up a league back in the 90’s when I lived in Texas, and part of the fun for me was developing helmets, uniforms, and histories for all of our pretend teams.

One of the guys named his team the Waterloo, Iowa White Whales. I decided all the players on his team should be overweight, (since they were whales) and have three numbers on their jerseys instead of two. Reading my notes on this page, apparently this is their all-pro cornerback Billy Bob Durkins who is the lightest member of the team at 386 pounds.

The Comments

Doug Jones

was this the player whose left ankle snapped under the strain and had to ride the pine the rest of the season?

Don Jones

Billy Bob was the best “undrafted” cornerback in the league. He had a real hankerin’ for the buffets in Waterloo.

Dennis Jones

…that team could run an “all you can eat” buffet restaurant out of business…

Don Jones

I’ve just acquired an awesome football photo to post… tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Doug Jones

stay tuned to what channel?

Don Jones

That would be KLBJ… on your radio dial. Komplete Lackluster Brother Jones broadcasting 24/7 in the lovely 5.1 monophonic chromacolor sound from the beautiful meth-infested hills of the Missouri Ozarks.

roballoo

KLBJ sounds like one of those new translations of the Bible.

What A Super Bowl!

February 4, 2008

Harpooner

OK, that had to be like the best Super Bowl I’ve see… ever! An undefeated team, DEFEATED in the championship game! The underdog team making a last minute drive at the end to win! Wow!

The Comments

Doug Jones

OH NOooo… I thought the game was NEXT week!

Doug Jones

Them goggles make me think this may be a steampunk bear… right?

Dennis Jones

…Doug, I am now a huge fan of steampunk thanks to you …I always liked that “look”, but never new it had a name…

Jason Bourne

Cool gun. Congrats Giants, that was a great Super Bowl. You earned that trophy and know how to play.

Don Jones

I yelled loud on that big corner pass connection between Eli and Plex. Slung Whoppers all over the basement… This illustration has MOXY. Nice.

Dennis Jones

…I added the Giants logo today before I posted this picture in honor of their fabulous win…

Doug Jones

What are the odds that two brothers would win back-to-back Super Bowls? Dennis… you win the Super Bowl next year and then we will see if Don can win it the next… OK?

Dennis Jones

…you’re talking about the big, all you can eat, Super Chili Bowl, right?

Don Jones

The logo in the background is so timely. The Manning brothers are in the record books … the Jones brothers simply have a record. Den, how is that parole deal going?

Jon Slone

Thank God the giants won!! With as much dislike that God gives a person, I’ve placed all mine on the Snobby patriots!!! Long live Manning-Mania! Terry Kath signing out

Dennis Jones

…I’m pretty sure Terry Kath signed out a couple of years ago…

Jason Bourne

First Peyton and now Eli. That is just cool,back to back.

Brother DonKey

October 27, 2008

BrotherDONkey

…yes, this is indeed a tribute to our little brother Don… and to a mule… brother DON-key… what next, a moving tribute to brother Doug and an indian boat? …a brother Dougout canoe…

The Comments

Don Jones

Oh thanks alot, Den … and this being an election year, folks will think I’m Democratic

Dennis Jones

…oh, sorry, ahem… yes, THIS is our OFFICIAL tribute to little brother Don… and an elephant… brother DON-ephant…

Don Jones

Well, I’m not sure if I feel any better with this attempt at a illustrative correction. You know I am sensitive about my weight…

Doug Jones

I don’t think this is a DONkey… it’s a COLT on his way to Nashville where he will get squashed by a a bunch of baby BLUE meanies….

Dennis Jones

…yep… this could be a really interesting game tonight… the Oilers are really good this year… I mean, the Titans…

Doug Jones

Nashville is really excited to be on the TeeVee tonight… they are painting everything blue around town…

Dennis Jones

…maybe they are painting things blue to welcome America’s Team… The Colts!

Dennis Jones

…I just spent all afternoon in Ft. Wayne… in the Mazda shop… and it looks like I’m going to be tagged for over $1700.00 on car repair… but I did get a spiffy new truck to drive around in as a loaner, so at least I have that going for me…

Doug Jones

Woo! that’s a mighty expensive oil change…

Dennis Jones

…ok, let’s review my last 24 hours… I’m presented with a major car bill, my internet goes out and is just now back on, I coughed coffee all over my Cintiq and the Colts lost last night… other than all that, everything is going perfectly!

Doug Jones

I think it’s time to move to Missouri. The Chefs need your help. Peyton already has his Super Bowl ring… time to help someone else. I hear they have good internets down in the Show Me state too….

Don Jones

The Cheeefz were thinking of calling up Daunte Culpepper… but apparently Duante does his own negotiating and didn’t get the deal done. The internets are solid down here in the Ozark hills. They run industrial strength netting from outhouse to outhouse.

Dennis Jones

Don Jones

These SocMo signs are EVERYwhere… except in my very own yard.

Fourth Down? GO FOR IT!

November 19, 2008

FourthDown

Paul Daughtery wrote a great column in the USA Today, and I’m jumping on the bandwagon.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and desperate describes the Bengals, Chiefs, Lions and Raiders this year. Paul says for these teams, why not go for it on fourth down… every time! What do these teams have to lose, another game?

The down side of this? It could be embarrassing. Embarrassing? …the Chiefs? …the Lions? …the Bengals? …the Raiders? How could it get any more embarrassing?

What if it worked? You would be a football genius, a pioneer of the game like Bill Walsh. Any coach can go 3-13. Might as well get there in a Lamborghini, even if it doesn’t have brakes or a steering wheel. These teams all boarded the Last Train To Nowhere weeks ago. Why not finish the season with style and innovation?

…or you can just punt on fourth down again.

A good article by Daughtery.

The Comments

Bernard

Fan-Tastic! Now I can get my sports beat fix here! I read that column and found it a great read but yours ( at least your analogies ) were even better! JSPN? …you find a way to get some gas and the groceries on here and I won’t need to go anywheres else!

Dennis Jones

…I seriously would love to see these teams just go for it on every down… why not?

Don Jones

Speaking of the Lions, I wonder who they will be losing to this Thanksgiving?

The \”Ripleys\” Guy

At this point, I think they are actually positioning themselves for their draft picks. Detroit will win that lottery and woefully select…..Barry Sanders. Who will simply chuckle and mumble, “they STILL don’t get it!”

Dennis Jones

…the Lions might want to borrow a Detroit Redwings goalie and put him in their end zone…

Bernard

May I suggest Senior Hossa! Yeah, they need to put him anywhere on the field where he can get the most damage done to him…traitor. Anyways…in line with your don’t punt just go for it theme… I’m taking the Lions to whip up on Ten-A-Sea this thanksgiving! …is there ever gonna be spell check on htis blog?

Don Jones

I’m sure Barry is glad he bowed out of that dismal Detroit scene. Let’s see, the undefeated Titans and the lethargic Lions… mmm…

Bernard

C’mon Don…let’s put up drum sticks…I’ll take Detroit!

Doug Jones

Nashville is getting all ready for FAVRE to come to town Sunday… Fah-are-vuh… Faaavah… Fav-ray… maybe they should call him FOURve…

Krummerz

January 5, 2009

ColtsLose

I walked into the kitchen this morning and saw this and thought it pretty much says about everything there is to say about Saturdays playoff game except maybe that THE REFEREES HANDED THAT GAME OVER TO THE CHARGERS IN OVERTIME…

The Comments

Bernard

Very Fitting. I’ve been a Colts fan since they were in Baltimore while the Steelers were taking 40 years to get competitive. Even though I was not looking forward to playing Peyton again, I still couldn’t root for S.D. Like Pitts, it seems you guys could use a running game…they convert that 3rd and 2 at the 2:00 warning mark and the game would have been over.

Zaz

Being from San Diego myself, I tend to disagree with you both and as far as the Referees they didn’t hand anything over to the Chargers Mr. Jones. If you were watching this game you would of noticed that the Chargers came back after the Sproles fumble on the Colts 2 yard line in the third quarter. They tie the game and then went on to win. all in all it was a good game. Now, the question is will they be able to do anything against the Steelers, HMMMMM? I’ll be watching.

Don Jones

A preconscious photographic prognostication of Peyton’s Colts and their precipitous playoff plastering. (My new year’s resolution is to use big P words)

Dennis Jones

…Zaz …my new years resolution is to use more hyperbole on this page, so that’s where my fiery rhetoric came from… the Colts weren’t going anyplace anyway because they haven’t been able to generate a running game all year…

…I love that little Sproles guy… back during the Kansas City Chiefs hay days (late 60’s early 70’s), they had mini-backs like Warren McVay, Wendell Holmes, and Mike Garrett that ran behind a massive offensive line, and what the Chargers have going right now with Sproles looks a lot like that to me…

…plus, the Chargers baby-blue retro uniforms are the best in the league… they should play in those all the time…

Don Jones

Den, you forgot the most prestigious, pygmy Chief of them all… SUPER GNAT! Noland Smith

Zaz

Unfortunately for San Diego there baby-blue retro uniform may not help them next week against the steel curtain of old, but I agree the uni’s will make them look good if nothing else. Have you heard anything about Dungy retiring, that would be a complete bummer for the world of Football…a great coach and an even greater human being, ya know,role model stuff for the young. Hope it not true what we’re hearing here in Chi town.

Dennis Jones

…Tony ultimately wants to go into some sort of full time ministry but he says once he quits football he’s not coming back to it, so he kinda struggles with the finality of that kind of huge decision every year…

Bernard

Ed Podolak wasn’t exactly tall either.