The Dennis Jones School Of Advanced Golfing Technique July 5, 2005 The Comments Kyle Jones ROFLcopter Don Jones Dennis, I’ve seen your advanced golfing video series at our local Buster’s Video. They have it filed in the COMEDY section. I hope you have some sort of umbrella liability insurance coverage… Brother Jones LLC. (Limited Lieability Concoction) Nick Jones Everybody SIGN ME UP!! Your methods are so new and inspiring Doug Jones That Pete is a fast learner… looks like he has already mastered the BrotherJones slice’n’dice move. I hope you were wearing your lucky kevlar T-shirt. Dennis Jones I have invested years and years developing hockey goonery into a fine science… I am pleased to be able to introduce the golf world to these same theories and principals… Don Jones A couple of points: In golf you usually just wear one glove. Where can I buy a pair of those clog golf spikes? Doug Jones only one glove?…. who did you learn from, Michael Jackson? Do you moonwalk after you sink a putt? Dennis Jones Actually you can make those clog golf spikes yourself… get several big nails and just hammer them thru the insoles of the shoes… Dennis Jones One thing I forgot to mention in my teaching video is that absolutely every time you take your shift on the golf course, wear a silly hat… when you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are… this helps you to create a “presence” in that first period of the golf game so people will be intimidated and not crosscheck you in the back when you are putting later in the second and third periods of the golf game… Doug Jones I always enjoy the third half of a golf game the most. Doug Jones but the best part is going into the clubhouse after the game for a round of coffee ice cream…. and then laying in bed awake all night remembering all the bad shots you made… Dennis Jones I hate it when you have a shot rolling right into the hole and the other teams goalie jumps right in front of it and kicks your ball into the rough… always makes me wish I had been using a driver instead of a putter… Doug Jones Yeah… I now anticipate that move by the other team’s goalie… so I pull out my llama and have it spit at the goalie. If that doesn’t work I slide into him with my spiked clogs. Dennis Jones Doug… they have something now called a.. GOLF CART… you don’t still need to still be hauling your clubs around on a Llama… Doug Jones Oh… I thought that carts were not allowed in the 3rd half of play… Is roughing the putter still legal? And what about getting fined for excessive dance moves after sinking a field goal putt? Don Jones Have you seen the new and improved 2005 version of the Llama Caddy? Holds 2 sets of clubs along with a couple of Bubba Kegs. The ball washer is awesome… place your dirty Titleist on the Llama’s tongue and in it goes for some quick agitation and then PRESTO he spits it right out clean as a whistle (give or take a few teeth marks). Dennis Jones man, this page of comments has certainly careened way out into left field… Don Jones As well it should. I’ve sat around here so long reading these posts and dreaming of when my ship will come in my salary just got docked. Dennis Jones Hyenas laugh because they know what’s coming next. Don Jones I think these insightful blog posts will leave their mark on literature sort of like chicken pox. Dennis Jones He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance. Doug Jones Ha Ha Dennis Jones A day without sunshine is like… well… night. Don Jones An apple a day costs about 43 cents. Dennis Jones When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Don Jones Better to have loved and lost than to never have lost at all. Dennis Jones I wish the buck stopped here… cause I could use a few… Don Jones A penny saved is not a whole lot to put back so go ahead and spend it. Dennis Jones Time’s fun when you’re having flies. Doug Jones don’t count your thetans before they hatch Dennis Jones I started out with nothing… and I still have most of it… Doug Jones nothing ventured… nothing… ventured! Don Jones Are we close to a record for posts here? Don Jones Beauty is in the stye of the beholder. Dennis Jones Shooting yourself in the foot… is actually a lot more fun than it sounds. Nick Jones Everybody that which does not kill me probably postpones the inevitable Nick Jones Everybody There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though and you’re pretty much doomed. Nick Jones Everybody a favorite brotherjones expression… quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots. Dennis Jones …yes, Nick… and that reminds me of another Brother Jones favorite… Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.