Battle For Middle Earth

June 14, 2006


…The Gourdsman Warrior Helmet…


…ready for action…


…in the way on the battlefield…

When the call to defend Middle Earth was given, none bothered to contact the Gourdsmen of Huntington Deep.

Gourdsmen were highly skilled craftsmen, but their usefulness on the battlefield was dubious at best. While their lightweight gourd armor allowed them to move quickly in combat zones, (especially in retreat), it unfortunately could barely withstand the attack of even the smallest of trolls armed with whiffle ball bats. Henceforth, Gourdsmen warriors tended to litter the battlefield and create a huge nuisance for all other warring parties.

They were, however, frequently contacted after the battle was over to host victory banquets, as they were quite good at kitchen activities and preparing elegant table decorations.

The Comments

Dan Lietha

At a quick glance, I thought the Green Bay Packers had a new look this season! 🙂

Doug Jones

Cool helmet! I am guessing you uncovered this archaeological find while digging around in your gourd mounds. Good researching on the history… I never read about things like this in my history books at MGHS. So these guys eventually evolved into caterers? Think Martha Stewart has any Huntington Gourdsman blood in her?

Don Jones

I can’t stop grinning about this… You are in your element here Great Gourdsmaster Denny!

Dennis Jones

…unfortunately, Don, I fear that you are right… this does seem to be my element… how embarrassing for my wife n’ kids…


I really really really want that helment.

Dennis Jones

…sorry Mandy …it’s now standard gear for me to wear every time I’m wheeling around the yard on my riding lawn mower…


Im sure your wife rolles her eyes and goes back in the house at that sight! hehehe


It’s gourd-eous! 😛

Frozen Tundra CheeseHeads

November 3, 2009


Things are really heating up in the ESPN Fantasy Football Church League I play in. Today I am formally lodging an official complaint against the Frozen Tundra CheeseHeads because they have really sharp corners on their helmets.

(I have always been way more into the fantasy part of fantasy football than anything else)

The Comments

Don Jones

This illustration is “extra sharp”…  Isn’t it time for lunch?


Just bring crackers and a cheese knife to your next match-up and the rest will take care of it’s self.


Why the Bears C on the helmet instead of the G??? Are you trying to tweak Packer fans?

Dennis Jones

…well, yes and no… the Frozen Tundra Cheeseheads owner is obviously a huge Packers fan, but the “C” stands for CHEESEheads…

…of course, if I can add further tweakage by making the “C” look like a division rival Chicago Bears “C”, so much the better…

Doug Jones

I have a very similar player on my team. SpongeBrett SquareFavre. The helmet is almost identical… but it’s a sponge…

Dennis Jones

…well, the Frozen Tundra CheeseHead helmet is not! Here’s my official league complaint I filed earlier today…

I am officially filing an official complaint against the Frozen Tundra Cheeseheads. Their new helmets have really sharp corners and my players refuse to close-line tackle them anymore which gives them an unfair advantage. I hope the league commissioner will act promptly on this serious matter and issue sanctions and some sort of food embargo against them.


I agree!! The clothes line tackle is a much neglected skill in the environment of todays football league. We have to turn to a fine sports documentary ” The Longest Yard ” to see this beautiful tackle executed well.. Fight the good fight Dennis!

Don Jones

Dennis: “Hey Doug, Donald keeps calling me the “E” word!” Doug: “The “E” word? What’s that?” Dennis: ”’Idiot!””

Dennis Jones


Don Jones

Stole that joke from Janson.