Gourdness Gracious

February 13, 2005

New-Green-Gourd

The winters here in northern Indiana can be long and hard. I stay indoors as much as possible because wind chills below zero and several layers of snow on the ground hold little to no appeal for me.

That is why I grow hard shell gourds during the summer.

Yep, I’m a gourd farmer and I live here on my gourd ranch. When the temperatures start falling outside I herd a couple of gourds in out of the corral and start working on them. They end up as all kinds of different… uh… things.

This is one I did last weekend. It looked like green turquoise when I was thru staining it. It is hinged in the back so it can open up. I like the way it seems to be ready to walk away as soon as I turn my back on it.

The Comments

mandy

thats a really cool gourd do you ever sell any if you do I WANT ONE

Keegan

Could this be the second incarnation of the “Phlegm” fantasy football team?

Dennis Jones

hmmm… is does sport the official Phlegm team colors…

D.J. Smith

Do you have to ride a horse when you’re herding gourds? Ever had a stampede of gourds nearly kill you? Everyone sing now…”Rollin, rollin, rollin, get them gourds a rollin, RAW GOURD!!!!!!”

Dennis Jones

Ride a Horse? Are you kidding me… it’s the 21 century… I am high tech… I use my riding lawnmower…

Don Jones

There was a movie about Dennis and his time in THE BIG HOUSE – The Gourdman of Alcatraz.

mandy

i really really really want that gourd!!!

Arnold

Do you have more gourds like this? If you do, you should post your collection online. I want to see them!

frappman

what are those little wing/legs made out of?

Dennis Jones

If you dig around on my other site (DJ-ART) you can find some gourds I did when I was first trying to figure out what I could do with them. They are somewhat crude efforts, but you might find them interesting. I will try to get some shots of my more current creations and post them in my portfolio section.

Those legs are made from a kind of particle board called MDF. Joe Bohrer introduced me to it the last time I was in Oklahoma.

mandy

CAN I BUY THAT GOURD FROM YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mandy

I WANT A GOURD NOW!!!!!!!

Dennis Jones

Hi Mandy… I might be wrong about this, but I kinda think you maybe are hinting to me that you might be interested in buying a gourd? Is that right? Because I’m really not sure if thats what you are wanting or not… unfortunately, my brother Don handles all gourd sells … (it was in the fine print of the BrotherJones website contract) I think you will need to talk to him over on his section… I wish there was something I could do to help, but my Brother Don runs a pretty tight ship…

mandy

so don can you get me a gourd

Chuck

Mandy, Those gourds retail for around 10,000 dollars. If you could post a comment with your credit card and mailing address I can see if I can pull some string. 🙂

Advertisements

Gourd Week Day One

May 2, 2005

GourdWeek1

Having been proclaimed Grand Master Poo-Bah of the Brother Jones Web Site recently at Jonesclave I do now hereby and officially proclaim this, the first week in May… BROTHER JONES GOURD WEEK.

We shall celebrate this grand week with the showing of new gourds each and every day and with the official naming of and commenting apon of each of these gourd creations in kind.

The Comments

Don Jones

First off Den, I would like to go on record saying your presentation of material lately has been nothing but remarkable. Nice shadows, camera lens flares and color combinations. To me this particular gourd could possibly be a traffic signal light from Middle-earth. Its single yellow light beckons all not to slow down.. but to speed up

Dennis Jones

SELLLL…eh…brate gourd times, COME ON…

Mandy

I WANT THIS GOURD!!!!!!!!

Dennis Jones

I kinda thought this might bring Mandy out of retirement…

Doug Jones

Looks like that Dremel got a few more miles put on it lately.

Mr Grammar

apon? apon? do you mean upon?

Dennis Jones

Ya know Mr. Grammar… I looked at that… and looked at it and looked at it some more but just could not figure out what was wrong with it… and now that you have commented on it I feel obliged to leave it as is… rats…

Mrs. Grammer

For those of you using Safari, try my magic tool:Spell Check. You can find it in Edit > Spelling.

Dennis Jones

I sense we are overlooking an important part of the Gourd Week Celebration… the official NAMING of the gourds… right now they have creative names like “P1010029.JPG”… and “Gourd 3”… I’m needing a little help here with some creative names for these things…

Doug Jones

I name this one “Bigfoot”

College kid

Is that a bong?

Dennis Jones

no dude… it’s justa gourd… …with legs

~

~ BROTHER JONES BONUS COVERAGE ~

In my post above I referenced being elected Grand Master PooBah of Brother Jones. That happened over on big brother Doug’s page. At the time a Papal Conclave was taking place and not being Catholics, the whole idea of white smoke to indicate a newly elected Pope was exotic and interesting to us… as you can see from Doug’s page below.

~

April 19, 2005

Jonesclave

bjconclave

FATICAN CITY- The eyes of the world are focused this week on the International Headquarters of the BrotherJones empire. The media and paparazzi have been running wild. Reporters have been trying to get an inside scoop on the final outcome of the voting. Bribery always seems to work at BrotherJones headquarters, but no news has leaked out so far.

A gasp arose from the huge crowd as thick, black smoke came billowing out of the chimney. However, this just indicated that the BrotherJones industrial strength espresso machine had kicked into high gear. Another gasp was heard as the black smoke was followed by white smoke… indicating a round of cigars had been broken out. As the days wore on, the anticipation heightened.

Suddenly, pink smoke started streaming out of the chimney… and windows… and doors… indicating that Dennis had been elected the Grand Master Poo-Bah Potentate for the coming year.

The crowd went wild. News bulletins flashed around the world. The Jones brothers took a nap.

The Comments

Don Jones

We are smokin’ now I believe that photo simply shows our pink corporate BrotherJones couch being torched.

Dennis Jones

yes, perhaps my dear brother… but I am still The Grand Master Poo-Bah Potato… potentate… po… whatever…

Dennis Jones

…and as the Grand Master Poo-Bah of the Brother Jones Web Site I hearby decree myself the winner of the First Annual Brother Jones Photography Contest.

Doug Jones

You’re lettin this go to your head, Denny.

Dennis Jones

…that comment was out of order… bailiff… please remove brother Doug from the room…

Don Jones

The bailiff is on a smoke break

Gourd Week Day Two

May 3, 2005

GourdWeek2

Gourd Week Opening Day One festivities came to a close last night with the official grilling of hamburgers on the back porch grill. To make it extra special I added a roll of breakfast sausage to the hamburger meat.

(The jury is still out as to how successful that was). It was at least… well… different.

My hope for you is that day two of the Brother Jones Gourd Week Celebration will be just as exciting and memorable as day one was.

The Comments

Doug Jones

This guy looks like he is holding a little green baseball bat. Let’s name him Mark… or Barry… is he into steroids?

Don Jones

That lid is awesome looking… what sort of wainscoting is running up the lid?

Dennis Jones

well… ya got me on that one, Don… I dont know what wainscoting is…

Don Jones

In a house, it would be the wood that runs up about 3 foot on an interior wall… on this gourd, I was referring to whatever is running up along the lid

Dennis Jones

oh… ok… I cut vertical slots in the top and then wove leather lacing in and out of the slots to get that woven basket look…

Gourd Week Day Three

May 4, 2005

GourdWeek3

What a week full of festivities we have had. This gourd festival has generated almost as much interest as our recent Brother Jones Photo Contest …almost.

Day three closing ceremonies concluded with the official ceremonial watching of The Amazing Race on the official ceremonial TV.

Don’t forget to make your gourd hats for the big closing day ceremonies this weekend. You would look quite silly if you arrived without one.

The Comments

Don Jones

Sure like this 3-D gourd presentation… it’s depth… its layered levels.. with drop shadows. This would be ideal for our Brother Jones Tribal fire popcorn eatin’ retreats.

Dennis Jones

…the ones where we vote one of our family members outa the tribe?

Doug Jones

We need a good immunity gourd for those Tribal councils. say… is that potpourri I see in this gourd?

FANCY!!!

Dennis Jones

why, yes… that is potpourri… that was Karen’s contribution to this one…

Doug Jones

Oh… I thought you were a girlyman.

Dennis Jones

HEY!

Doug Jones

you can’t do nothin’ to me… I have the immunity gourd!

Dennis Jones

oh yeh… well… those c-clamps aren’t going to help you in the next immunity challenge like they did this week… I’ll be ready for them next time…

Don Jones

So what exactly is the process of voting off a Jones family member? Go to designated gourd… take big snort of potpourri… tighten clamp unto ones temples… then draw a circle and write their name down? Sounds exciting…

Gourd Week Day Four

May 5, 2005

GourdWeek4

HOO HOO! It’s Cinco de MiOldGourd Day! Reminisce about favorite old gourds past and present. Enjoy the traditional tall frosty glass of chocolate milk. And whatever you do, don’t forget to break open a pinata full of glazed donuts tonight. HOO HOO!

The Comments

Doug Jones

Gourd week has hit a fever pitch here. We are all so excited it is hard to go to sleep at night! This gourd looks like a U.F.G.O. (unidentified flying gourd object) I do hope this one is NOT filled with potpourri, but something manly like coffee nips.

Dennis Jones

…it will be especially hard to sleep tonight after all the donuts and chocolate milk…

Doug Jones

nothin like a big bottle of vintage brown wine. Do you drink the 2% brown wine or the whole?

Dennis Jones

I have been drinking 1% milk for years now… 2% would taste like heavy cream to me at this point…

Don Jones

I drink Soy milk… I love that freshly mowed grass after taste. The Thursday gourd No. 4 is fantastique. Whimsical yet utilitarian… the imaginative usage of the three legged wooden peg configuration gives it a fanciful stool quality which bodes well with the rich complementary color scheme. The overall roundness of the piece gives a reassuring sense of oneness with Mother earth. And I bet it will hold a ton of loose change. Happy Mother’s Day!

Dennis Jones

actually… this is the quickest gourd I ever made… I was just experimenting with a top that had a wooden plug under it to see how that would work for a lid… everything is simple n quick on this one… but sometimes simple n quick is kinda nice…

Gourd Week Day Five

May 6, 2005

GourdWeek5

It’s GOURD FRIDAY everybody… the day we remember that the humble seed must be buried in the ground for a period of time before it returns as the almighty, gourd producing vine. HOO HOO!

The Comments

Coach Z

nice jeeorb

Doug Jones

Ah… you saved the best for last! I think this is my personal favorite. Sorry I can’t participate much today… I don’t feel too well… got a big chocolate milk hangover.

Ben A Gourd

Follow the drinking gourd!
Follow the drinking gourd.
For the old man is awaiting for to carry you to freedom
If you follow the drinking gourd.

When the sun comes back and the first quail calls,
Follow the drinking gourd,
For the old man is awaiting for to carry you to freedom
If you follow the drinking gourd.

The riverbank makes a very good road,
The dead trees will show you the way,
Left foot, peg foot traveling on,
Following the drinking gourd.

The river ends between two hills,
Follow the drinking gourd,
There’s another river on the other side,
Follow the drinking gourd.

Where the great big river meets the little river,
Follow the drinking gourd,
The old man is awaiting for to carry you to freedom
If you follow the drinking gourd

Doug Jones

Did the Kingston Trio record this song?
There is something familar about it.

Dennis Jones

I dont have a clue on this one…

Dennis Jones

…but I might be willing to follow this guy if the gourd he’s drinking out of is full of chocolate milk…

Dennis Jones

ok… I did a little research on this song… if you were clueless on it like I was, here is an explanation…

The Drinking Gourd, otherwise known as the Big Dipper, helped to lead slaves to Canada. Once in Canada, slaves gained their freedom and were no longer an object owned by a master.

So I guess it was originally an underground railroad song of some sort… cool… of course, now it is the official song of Brother Jones Gourd Week 2005!

Gourd Week Day Six

May 7, 2005

GourdWeek6

And you thought this was over yesterday. It’s gourd week I tell you… gourd… WEEK… thats WEEK as in SEVEN! Seven full days of gourd week festivities! What did you think this was anyway, some sort of made up internet hoax kind of thing? It’s Gourd Week people! GOURD WEEK!

The Comments

Don Jones

Taking the Official Brother Jones GOURD WEEK into overtime which means the weekend… A L R I G H T ! This bugger reminds me of a stitched up baseball from the dark side. Great dark, rich grape stainage… good contrast to the lacing. And to think, Dennis, it took you ‘til the seventh grade to tie your own shoes. You have come a long way.

Doug Jones

this does have that baseball feel to it… steee-rike 4! are you using dyes on these?

Dennis Jones

yes, leather dyes… I used an old watch band for the front strap and the hinge in the back… I keep my guitar picks in this one…

Gourd Week Day Seven

May 8, 2005

GourdWeek7

As the closing day fanfare plays softly in the background, it is my hope that you have enjoyed the 2005 Brother Jones GourdFest and Coffee Roast. I also hope you are making plans already to bring a tent and participate with us in person next year.

Perhaps by then we can lower the seven hundred dollar One Day All Access Festival Parking Fee, which kinda put a squelch on our attendance numbers this season.

The Comments

Doug Jones

You seem to be in the business of setting records for BrotherJones.com. First you had the record for going the longest WITHOUT changing your page… Then I think you grabbed the record for most comments on a page… Now you have the record for posting 7 days in a row! What’s next? I will be saving up for the parking fee for next year… if I had bet on the right horse this weekend, I would have the money now. Unfortunately, Stewball came in last.

Dennis Jones

the problem with old Stewball is he never drank water… he only drank wine… go figure…

Doug Jones

If he was drinkin chocolate milk we would have a winner!

Dennis Jones

Stewball is one of my favorite old Peter, Paul, and Mary songs…

Doug Jones

I probably imprinted you as a wee child with my PP&M records

Dennis Jones

yes you did… that and your A M radio tuned into WLS in Chicago every night…

Doug Jones

Art Roberts had a crazy bedtime story each night on WLS… those were the days…

Gourd Season is ON!

May 29, 2005

GourdPatch

Yes, the Official Brother Jones Gourd Patch has finally been deposited into the ground and we are now hoping for yet another productive season.

This year we have planted bottleneck, birdhouse, longneck dipper, basket, miniature… and several other varieties that I cant seem to remember at the time of this posting.

Here is a little math problem for you. We planted 72 mounds this year. Each mound has at least three seeds in it. Each seed will produce a vine. A really bad vine might produce five gourds. A really good vine could produce ten or more. How many gourds might we expect to see by the end of the season?

This math problem is in memory of our Grandma Grantham who thought math was really, really fun. She bought little Donnie and me math workbooks to do (for fun) one summer when we spent a week with her and Grandpa at the farm. Little Donnie and I hid in the turkey house to escape having to do the really, really fun math workbooks.

The Comments

Kyle Jones

Eleventy Billion

Lil’ Donnie

I loved that turkey house. We smoked alot of grape vines in there.

Dennis Jones

Kyle, that is exactly right… your ability to figure out higher math equations like this one does indicate to me that you are now truly a high school graduate…

Dennis Jones

…and Lil’ Donnie… time for you to come in from the grape vine break and practice your math…

Doug Jones

is eleventy billion more than a dozen… or less… I forget. and just what are you going to do with eleventy billion gourds?

Dennis Jones

…what am I going to do with eleventy billion gourds? Hey, what CANT I do with eleventy billion gourds is the question.

For instance…

…since they float I could always tie them all together and build a raft so I could escape this crazy island with the mysterious invisible monster on it… I would just hope not to run into any pirates on the way home that want to kidnap the kid on the boat… you know… that sort of thing…

Doug Jones

…or you could turn them into an army and fight the clone wars and defeat the evil Empire.

Nick Jones Everybody

I think this should be like a reality show for you. People send in ideas for things you should make with gourds and then you produce them and show the process for the world to see. I got dibs on the mikey character.

Dennis Jones

…so, like… I walk out into the garage and start yelling at Pete about how he better hurry up and get that custom gourd done and he yells back at me about how it takes a lot of time to do a really cool gourd and then you walk into the garage and crack a joke and then we all have a good laugh and then we take the gourd to some big gourd show and sign autographs just like they do on American Chopper… something like that?

Nick Jones Everybody

now see that’s what I’m talking about. All we have to remember is that every time we talk to the camera it has to sound completely contrived and scripted. Who will be the high school kid that works harder than all of us and secretly thinks we are all morons? oh by the way I found out you weren’t Deep Throat after all. Bummer dude.

Don Jones

Nick, it’s ironic you mentioned Deep Throat. The Jones brothers also sport a moniker utilizing the key word Deep. Unbeknownst to you Dennis, (your Father) is rolling in the dough. In other words, wealthy. He is known as Deep Pockets. I, the former owner of the 1991 Dodge Caravan with 2 or 3 transmissions go by Deep Heap. Uncle Doug and his notorious attempts at plumbing and other assorted handyman jobs has earned him the down and dirty little title of Deep DoDo. There ya go hope this gives you some insight on your DNA.

Dennis Jones

…nicholas LUKE… I AM YOUR FATHER…

Nick Jones Everybody

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Doug Jones

join the DarkJoneses and rule the universe with us…

Don Jones

Which movie is this dialogue from? I get confused.

Dennis Jones

Jones Wars

Nick Jones Everybody

Aren’t you supposed to cut my hand off first or something? I’m just not feeling the drama here. By the way do I also have a hottie sister that you’ve never told me about?

Dennis Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Don Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!! I just wanted to type that as well

Indiana Gourd Raft

June 2, 2005

LostRaft

The Comments

Don Jones

You all floating down the Mississippi here? I’m not sure but I don’t think it hooks up with Table Rock Lake.

Dennis Jones

…you serious about that, Clark?

Kyle Jones

Those are some massive barnacles….

Dennis Jones

Hey… those are fancy art gourds…

Ima Observant

That can’t be the Jones Brothers in that picture not enough reflection on the top side.

marcelo from Brasil!!!!!!

Hey guys!!!! i was taking a look at Dons jornal yeasterday and i found a drawing that he made like 20 years ago. Dennis , would you show us some drawing that you have made when you were yonger? i would love to see that!!!!
Abrao pra todos!!!

June 6, 2005

Hi Marcelo… well… I have moved around the country quite a bit in the last 25 years and I am not sure where my old sketch books are, but I will look around for them and if I can find anything I will post some stuff up for you. Thanks for the idea.