July 5, 2005
July 8, 2005
Yes, it is true that I played four seasons with the Midwest Hurricanes.
And, yes, it is true that we were a bit of a thuggish team… but it was because we were all old guys trying to compete with twenty year olds.
Our team motto was “age and treachery beat youth and talent every time”.
But I see no reason for all the current media attention being focused on me, Hurricane Dennis. If I offended anyone during my playing time with the Hurricanes, I’m sorry. That was a long time ago. Please accept my apologies and move on.
I am begging the media, please drop all this Hurricane Dennis business and move on to something more important…
…like the current bad weather that seems to be headed our way.
February 14, 2006
Karen bought several bags of candy, (and various other doo-dads) to send to our two boys for Valentines Day. She planned to mail it all when she returned from California, but then realized she was not getting home until the day before Valentines Day. In a panic, she called from California and asked if I would please split the candy up and get everything in the mail so it would make it to our two boys in time.
As I sat down at the kitchen table to split the candy I noticed there was no parental supervision in the room, so I made an executive decision to split the candy three ways instead of two. This would create a secret stash of candy all for me.
So far, this has been working out really good. I feel pretty confident that since Karen rarely checks in at Brother Jones, I can continue to keep the secret stash a secret until the secret stash has all been consumed. Happy Valentines Day To Me!
March 6, 2006
At the end of each summer I go into my woods and cut up the trees that have fallen to the ground. Some of it I leave and some of it I haul back to the house to burn in the fireplace during the winter. I don’t want to bring too much to the house because whatever is left after winter has to be hauled back to the woods.
I really misjudged the amount of wood we would need this year so this morning I had to make another wood run. Just wanted you to know my week is off to another rousing start.
June 12, 2006
Here is an actual question I sent to my son’s blog site…
Dear Nick Is Good For Oklahoma…
I have a hockey game tomorrow night, but I seem to be even older and slower than I was last year… is there anything I can do to remedy this intolerable situation??
Here is Nick’s actual response to my actual question…
Thank you for your question. I suggest a heavy diet of Krispy Kremes and Mountain Dew right before the game. (If you are short of cash, Mountain Lightning will work) This will ensure a God like boost of energy, and allow a nice crash after the game when you are hoping to sleep… Hope this helps.
Willing to try anything to improve my game, I pulled into Steak n’ Shake and grabbed an Orange Freeze right before my game on Friday night. It wasn’t exactly donuts and Mtn. Dew, but since it’s an ice cream drink I figured it would have an equivalent amount of sugar in it.
Nick’s advice worked really well. I had energy to burn… until my third shift when I pulled a hamstring. This effectively meant I only had one leg to skate on for the rest of the game. If I were a horse they would have had to shoot me… but I played the rest of the game anyway. Quite honestly, my game doesn’t look much different whether I’m running at full strength or only skating on one leg.
So what have I learned from this experience? When you play in a hockey league where you are older than absolutely everyone else by 25 years or more, nothing is going to improve your game.
I also learned that I sure do enjoy having an Orange Freeze right before a hockey game. Next week I think I will have an Orange Freeze before AND after the game.
June 19, 2006
I have played hockey with the same group of guys for the last 6 or 7 years. The team finally fizzled out over this past winter. We had all been threatening to quit for a long time, but this off-season we finally did it. When this summers hockey league rolled around, I wasn’t going to play at all.
Then I got a call from a friend of my youngest son, asking if Pete and I wanted to play on their hockey team this season. I said, “sorry, but Pete is staying in Oklahoma City this summer and working.” Pete’s friend said,”would YOU like to play on our team, Mr. Jones?” I replied, “you do remember that I am like really, REALLY old don’t you?” He said, “yeh, we remember, but we would still really like for you to play with us.” So against my better judgment I went ahead and said yes.
I have played on a lot of different teams in the past with a lot of different names and was really curious as to what the moniker of this new team was going to be. Maybe a traditional animal name like Penguins, Bruins, or Sharks. Possibly more of a classic name like Wings, Blues, or Leafs. Perhaps something edgier like Avalanche, Wild, or Thrashers. Nope, none of those names for us. Our team name is Water Moccasin Annihilation.
What does this name mean? I have absolutely no idea. I’m afraid to ask. I can only assume that we really, REALLY don’t like snakes. In fact, if a water moccasin should show up at one of our games, I shudder to think of what might happen. Annihilation I suppose.
I only regret that water moccasins don’t play hockey, because if they did there is no doubt in my mind that we would probably annihilate them. Unless, of course, I’m playing defense…
…because if I’m playing defense…
…the snakes just might have a chance.
June 26, 2006
Only one undefeated team was left in our hockey league, the mighty Puckhogs, and we had to play them last Friday night.
It was a tight game and somewhere in the second period while changing lines the puck zipped by me as I came out for my shift. Two of our guys snagged it and headed for the net. I jumped in behind them as a trailer, a risky move for me because I am a defenseman, but it gave us a 3 on 1 break. Unfortunately, we did not bury the puck in the net, it popped out, the other team grabbed it and roared back towards our net.
This was not a good thing. I had gambled as a defenseman, it had not paid off, I was totally out of position, and now the other team was working a 3 on 1 on us. I sprinted all the way back to the other end of the rink, they took a shot (which our goalie kicked to the corner), I swerved and headed for the puck.
At this point I had just used every ounce of strength I had to get back and had no energy left to stop… so I stopped by slamming (really hard) into the boards in the corner. My crash into the boards was so loud that everyone watching in the rink went… oooohh. Unfortunately, a guy from the opposing team who had the puck at the time got caught between me and the boards and the ref gave me a two minute penalty for roughing. Oh, well.
When the game was over I was talking to a couple of guys I knew on the opposing team. They said they did not see the play, but when they heard the huge crash in the corner, they just looked at each other, shook their heads and said, ”…we know who that was.”
…and they were right!
By the way… we won the game 3 to 2. HOO HOO!
July 24, 2006
Last Friday night the beloved Water Moccasin Annihilation entered the hockey playoff tournament seeded as the number four team. Our first match was a tighter contest than we expected, but we were able to pull out a win in the closing minutes of the game.
The good news was that we got to advance to the next level of the playoff bracket. The bad news was that we had to play the dreaded PuckHogs who were the number one seed in the tournament. We were behind the majority of the game, but the puck bounced our way a couple of times at the end and we won the game in a sudden death overtime period.
That sent us to the championship game where we faced the number two seed of the tournament, the Puckers. This was a pretty spirited contest and by the time the first period was over several players from both teams had been thrown out of the game for fighting. That left our team with only eight players to finish the game. We played hard, (even the old guy on the team), came from behind, and then buried the Puckers in the last period, winning the game 5 to 3.
We got our championship trophy (and as all true hockey fans know), it is customary to hold the cup over your head and skate around the rink with it. Some of our players did this. I chose not to… mainly because the championship trophy was only about a foot tall… and it looked a little ridiculous skating around the rink with a toy trophy held over your head.
As I was leaving I noticed that the rink had called the police and officers were there to make sure we all went home nicely. It reminded me of the old adage, “I went to the fights last night and a hockey game broke out”.
May 7, 2007
Here’s a helpful tip for your next painting excursion. Use the ladder more effectively. When painting hard to reach areas, use ladders as stilts to move around the room. This is a huge time saver and rarely ends up in an emergency trip to the hospital. With all the extra time you save, you can now participate in more enjoyable pursuits… like bobbing for french fries.
July 9, 2007
I skated out to take the face off in last friday nights hockey game and as I was waiting for the referee to drop the puck I noticed something scribbled on the blade of my hockey stick. With closer observation, it became pretty obvious that my youngest son, Pete, had punked me again.