The Dennis Jones School Of Advanced Golfing Technique

July 5, 2005

GolfLesson

The Comments

Kyle Jones

ROFLcopter

Don Jones

Dennis, I’ve seen your advanced golfing video series at our local Buster’s Video. They have it filed in the COMEDY section. I hope you have some sort of umbrella liability insurance coverage… Brother Jones LLC. (Limited Lieability Concoction)

Nick Jones Everybody

SIGN ME UP!! Your methods are so new and inspiring

Doug Jones

That Pete is a fast learner… looks like he has already mastered the BrotherJones slice’n’dice move. I hope you were wearing your lucky kevlar T-shirt.

Dennis Jones

I have invested years and years developing hockey goonery into a fine science… I am pleased to be able to introduce the golf world to these same theories and principals…

Don Jones

A couple of points: In golf you usually just wear one glove. Where can I buy a pair of those clog golf spikes?

Doug Jones

only one glove?…. who did you learn from, Michael Jackson? Do you moonwalk after you sink a putt?

Dennis Jones

Actually you can make those clog golf spikes yourself… get several big nails and just hammer them thru the insoles of the shoes…

Dennis Jones

One thing I forgot to mention in my teaching video is that absolutely every time you take your shift on the golf course, wear a silly hat… when you wear a silly hat, everyone knows who you are… this helps you to create a “presence” in that first period of the golf game so people will be intimidated and not crosscheck you in the back when you are putting later in the second and third periods of the golf game…

Doug Jones

I always enjoy the third half of a golf game the most.

Doug Jones

but the best part is going into the clubhouse after the game for a round of coffee ice cream…. and then laying in bed awake all night remembering all the bad shots you made…

Dennis Jones

I hate it when you have a shot rolling right into the hole and the other teams goalie jumps right in front of it and kicks your ball into the rough… always makes me wish I had been using a driver instead of a putter…

Doug Jones

Yeah… I now anticipate that move by the other team’s goalie… so I pull out my llama and have it spit at the goalie. If that doesn’t work I slide into him with my spiked clogs.

Dennis Jones

Doug… they have something now called a.. GOLF CART… you don’t still need to still be hauling your clubs around on a Llama…

Doug Jones

Oh… I thought that carts were not allowed in the 3rd half of play… Is roughing the putter still legal? And what about getting fined for excessive dance moves after sinking a field goal putt?

Don Jones

Have you seen the new and improved 2005 version of the Llama Caddy? Holds 2 sets of clubs along with a couple of Bubba Kegs. The ball washer is awesome… place your dirty Titleist on the Llama’s tongue and in it goes for some quick agitation and then PRESTO he spits it right out clean as a whistle (give or take a few teeth marks).

Dennis Jones

man, this page of comments has certainly careened way out into left field…

Don Jones

As well it should. I’ve sat around here so long reading these posts and dreaming of when my ship will come in my salary just got docked.

Dennis Jones

Hyenas laugh because they know what’s coming next.

Don Jones

I think these insightful blog posts will leave their mark on literature sort of like chicken pox.

Dennis Jones

He who laughs last should do so from a safe distance.

Doug Jones

Ha Ha

Dennis Jones

A day without sunshine is like… well… night.

Don Jones

An apple a day costs about 43 cents.

Dennis Jones

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Don Jones

Better to have loved and lost than to never have lost at all.

Dennis Jones

I wish the buck stopped here… cause I could use a few…

Don Jones

A penny saved is not a whole lot to put back so go ahead and spend it.

Dennis Jones

Time’s fun when you’re having flies.

Doug Jones

don’t count your thetans before they hatch

Dennis Jones

I started out with nothing… and I still have most of it…

Doug Jones

nothing ventured… nothing… ventured!

Don Jones

Are we close to a record for posts here?

Don Jones

Beauty is in the stye of the beholder.

Dennis Jones

Shooting yourself in the foot… is actually a lot more fun than it sounds.

Nick Jones Everybody

that which does not kill me probably postpones the inevitable

Nick Jones Everybody

There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that though and you’re pretty much doomed.

Nick Jones Everybody

a favorite brotherjones expression… quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.

Dennis Jones

…yes, Nick… and that reminds me of another Brother Jones favorite…

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

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Hurricane Dennis

July 8, 2005

HurricaneDennis

Yes, it is true that I played four seasons with the Midwest Hurricanes.

And, yes, it is true that we were a bit of a thuggish team… but it was because we were all old guys trying to compete with twenty year olds.

Our team motto was “age and treachery beat youth and talent every time”.

But I see no reason for all the current media attention being focused on me, Hurricane Dennis. If I offended anyone during my playing time with the Hurricanes, I’m sorry. That was a long time ago. Please accept my apologies and move on.

I am begging the media, please drop all this Hurricane Dennis business and move on to something more important…

…like the current bad weather that seems to be headed our way.

The Comments

Don Jones

That is one nice portrait… the essence of a hockey playin’ Hurricane thug.

DJ

Boy howdy. You look…uh…well…hmmm…how to say this nicely…I give up. Are you the reason for the current NHL strike? If so, would you please make things right so the kind-hearted folks in Nashville, Tennessee can enjoy ice hockey again? It’s the sport none of us understand but still enjoy watching. Well, Doug might understand seeing who his brother is.

Doug Jones

The name Midwest Hurricanes sounds like an Oxymoron to me, like… freezer burn… Dodge Ram… Old News… Civil War… pretty ugly…

Dennis Jones

…I don’t know about the Oxy part… but the Moron part describes the Midwest Hurricane Hockey Team pretty well…

Doug Jones

Brilliant Morons

Don Jones

Ray Barone to his brother… “you’re an idiot wrapped in a moron.”

Dennis Jones

…I like your web site, DJ… classy, nice iconic images, and loads quickly on my lightning fast dial up modem connection…

DJ

Thanks guys! It really mean a lot coming from you. Stop by and see us sometime. We nearly always have a pot of coffee on and today one of our designers brought donuts!! Dennis looks as if he could use a donut in this picture (my attempt to point the attention back to the OxycleanMoron Dennis “Tropical Storm” Jones).

Jones Journal Addict

Where is everyone?

Don Jones

You need to grab a shopping cart and head on over to the Dennis Jones Super Store

Roberto

Dude, weren’t you in the movie Tron?

Don Jones

Wonder if Dennis wore this outfit to Romania?

Valentines Day

February 14, 2006

Candy

…my cut of the Valentines Day loot…

Karen bought several bags of candy, (and various other doo-dads) to send to our two boys for Valentines Day. She planned to mail it all when she returned from California, but then realized she was not getting home until the day before Valentines Day. In a panic, she called from California and asked if I would please split the candy up and get everything in the mail so it would make it to our two boys in time.

As I sat down at the kitchen table to split the candy I noticed there was no parental supervision in the room, so I made an executive decision to split the candy three ways instead of two. This would create a secret stash of candy all for me.

So far, this has been working out really good. I feel pretty confident that since Karen rarely checks in at Brother Jones, I can continue to keep the secret stash a secret until the secret stash has all been consumed. Happy Valentines Day To Me!

The Comments

Doug Jones

Cool beans, dude! I’ll help you keep that secret… but it’s gonna cost you 5 chocolates!

Keegan Jones

Good call. I’d do the same thing. One for them, three for me, one for them, three for me.

Don Jones

Your secret will eventually catch up with you when your lovely wife pinches that extra inch on your gut. Good luck.

Nick Jones Everybody

I wish you would have kept ALL the strawberry kisses, and sent a few more cherry kit kats down the Oklahoma way… But hey what’s done is done…

Don Jones

Sorry to say I bought Janson the SAME Snoopy boat with Reeses cups that I bought him last year. He was very gracious and forgiving for his Dad’s oversight.

Dennis Jones

…sheesh Don, what were you thinkin? You know there’s no way to split a Snoopy Boat up and keep part of it for yourself…

Don Jones

He got the Snoopy in the boat… I got all the candy.

Dennis Jones

…nice work…

Doug Jones

I was always confused by the theology on this point. Does the Easter bunny also leave baskets of candy on Valentines Day? Is this scriptural?

Dennis Jones

…you dont need theology to abuse candy… it’s useful any time of the year… a long time ago Peter wanted to go trick or treating and it was kinda up to me to take him and I didn’t want to do it so I said, “Pete, I’ll buy you 3 bags of any kind of candy you want and we can go to the hockey game on Halloween night and eat it there”… he went for it… yet another successful use of candy to weasel out of something I didn’t want to do…

Doug Jones

That heart warming story of a son and dad gorking out on candy together brought a tear to my eye…

Dennis Jones

…I am considering writing a parenting book… I believe I could fill in a few of the gaps Dr. Dobson left out of his books… like teaching the kids how to defend themselves with hockey sticks… that sort of thing…

Don Jones

You can fill in the gaps from Dr. Phil as well. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!! I believe it is obvious to all eight of our visitors that chocolate is a favorite jones to us brothers. I find myself walking real slow past that big BRACH’s display at the grocery store. This new site is feeling just like home now.

Doug Jones

Dennis…name that book “Chicken Soup for the Hockey Dad’s Soul”… and maybe we can add a snazzy diploma for anyone who actually reads through it…

Don Jones

I say float this by Zondervan and see if they wanna pick it up .. if not, get your rep on it. This could be big. I have that feeling. Then again it could just be my gall bladder acting up once more.

Dennis Jones

I’m thinking maybe an all picture parenting book… no type… I’ve seen this sort of thing work before…

Doug Jones

be sure you have very graphic spanking pages… that should be fun

Dennis Jones

…good thinkin’, Doug… of course, that would give the book a PG rating… (parental guidance)… but since the book is for parents I dont know how that would work… must give this idea more thought…

Doug Jones

if you don’t think too good… don’t think too much…. my motto..

Don Jones

I’d like to see a few pages on “How-to maintain parental sanity with multiple teens in the home.” Maybe a picture of a Mom and Dad hiding behind a locked closet door eating the kid’s valentine day candy.

Dennis Jones

…in full hockey gear and ready for action…

Starting A New Week

March 6, 2006

HaulingWood

…Monday morning… time for a wood run…

At the end of each summer I go into my woods and cut up the trees that have fallen to the ground. Some of it I leave and some of it I haul back to the house to burn in the fireplace during the winter. I don’t want to bring too much to the house because whatever is left after winter has to be hauled back to the woods.

I really misjudged the amount of wood we would need this year so this morning I had to make another wood run. Just wanted you to know my week is off to another rousing start.

The Comments

Don Jones

Fantastic photo composition here Dennis. The angularity of the foreground wood with the foot path leading to the back of the vehicle which forms a Z. The home dwelling in the distant mist all engaging the eye to move back and forth through the image. The red tailights add just enough warm vivid color to balance out the cold grey winter tones.

Doug Jones

I think I have had to put on a coat maybe 2 or 3 times this winter… MY kind of winter.

Nick Jones Everybody

I skated ten miles around the lake and played a round of golf in 80 degree weather this weekend… you have fun with the wood hauling….

Dennis Jones

…I’ve pretty much stayed inside my house since last November… in front of the fireplace…

Mokuu

This scene reminds me of the north canadian areas. Might be why you like hockey 🙂

Dennis Jones

…why the hockey bug bit a kid from the rural Missouri Ozarks I will never know, but it did… I got used to watching NFL football games on Sunday afternoons at an early age… back then, when the football season ended they would play NHL hockey games in that time slot here in the states.

I was watching Gordie Howe playing for Detroit… Bobby Hull playing for Chicago with Tony Esposito in net and his brother Phil playing for Boston, Gary Cheevers in net (he was putting stitches on his goalie mask with a magic marker at the time) and my all time favorite player, Bobby Orr…

…now THAT was a great NHL…

Don Jones

Seems we were able to replicate a few of those games in our garage. Homemade cardboard goals and the old orange plastic puck. Getting body checked into the paneled walls didn’t have much “give” if I remember right.

Dennis Jones

…I made us a couple of hockey sticks in 7th grade shop class which we immediately broke practicing our slap shots… but I repaired them with a few nuts n bolts… I think those might have been the only two hockey sticks in southern Missouri at that time…

Hockey Talk 06/12

June 12, 2006

HOCKEYTALKLOGO

…with your host, Dennis Jones…

HockeyTalk

…waiting for the “GodLike” boost of energy…

Here is an actual question I sent to my son’s blog site…

Dear Nick Is Good For Oklahoma…
I have a hockey game tomorrow night, but I seem to be even older and slower than I was last year… is there anything I can do to remedy this intolerable situation??

Here is Nick’s actual response to my actual question…

Dear “Dennis”…
Thank you for your question. I suggest a heavy diet of Krispy Kremes and Mountain Dew right before the game. (If you are short of cash, Mountain Lightning will work) This will ensure a God like boost of energy, and allow a nice crash after the game when you are hoping to sleep… Hope this helps.

Willing to try anything to improve my game, I pulled into Steak n’ Shake and grabbed an Orange Freeze right before my game on Friday night. It wasn’t exactly donuts and Mtn. Dew, but since it’s an ice cream drink I figured it would have an equivalent amount of sugar in it.

Nick’s advice worked really well. I had energy to burn… until my third shift when I pulled a hamstring. This effectively meant I only had one leg to skate on for the rest of the game. If I were a horse they would have had to shoot me… but I played the rest of the game anyway. Quite honestly, my game doesn’t look much different whether I’m running at full strength or only skating on one leg.

So what have I learned from this experience? When you play in a hockey league where you are older than absolutely everyone else by 25 years or more, nothing is going to improve your game.

I also learned that I sure do enjoy having an Orange Freeze right before a hockey game. Next week I think I will have an Orange Freeze before AND after the game.

The Comments

Doug Jones

I vote for having an Orange Freeze and skipping the game… but that is just me… hey.. did you get that 24 tape? I paid extra bucks to try to get it to you before the weekend… but it was US Postal Service….

Dennis Jones

Yes, I got the tape… thanks a bunch for doing that… are you going to Mtn. Grove any time this summer? If so I will meet you there and pay you back… I’ll take you to Steak n’ Shake for an Orange Freeze or something…

Don Jones

I’ve heard the Key Lime Pie donuts from K.K. works wonders for injured hammies.

Dennis Jones

…I have another game this Friday night… I’ll let you know if that’s true or not, Don…

Don Jones

Use a whole tube of Ben-Gay too. The aroma will clear the way for a little one-on-one goalie action.

Nick Jones Everybody

The before and after method is def. the best way to avoid energy and provide for maximum hockey ability… Orange Freezes have been my drink of choice post-hockey game for years…

Doug Jones

… never had an Orange Freeze… but now you’ve flung a cravin’ on me…

Dennis Jones

…so yer jonesin’ for an Orange Freeze eh, Doug?

Don Jones

Have the boys at Steak ‘N SHake throw in a few ibuprofrens with that post game Orange Freeze and you will be relaxed and pain free by the time you get home.

Doug Jones

Don plays golf… Dennis plays hockey… and me?… I go to the YMCA on my lunch break and drink free coffee while THINKing about exercise. I call it THINKercize. Today while I was deep into my THINKercize session, I watched a little World Cup action on the large screen TV. Soccer actually looks a lot like hockey to me. That is… hockey played with no pads… or sticks… on a gigantic green pool table. Other than that… it’s just the same.

Dennis Jones

…yes, Doug, I concur with your comments …my biggest problem with soccer is that you don’t get to wear any cool equipment to play it… in hockey you get to gear up, wear a helmet n’ all kinds of massive padding… great jerseys… even if you stink at playing hockey, you at least get to look good while doing it…

Don Jones

Den, didn’t you come across a place that makes custom hockey jerseys?

Doug Jones

At BrotherJones it isn’t about how you play… it’s about how you LOOK! and Dennis… you… look… MAH-velous out there…

Dennis Jones

…that’s absolutely right, Doug… on BOTH counts… and, Don, all kinds of places make custom hockey jerseys… are you thinking it’s time to order up a dozen or so Brother Jones Winged Logo jerseys? …what numbers do you guys want?

Don Jones

I am liking that new sub-header there Dennis. Continuing from yesterday… who won that hockey game last night? I’m too lazy to search it out … or possibly it’s just the idea of having to leave the safe confines of the Brother Jones site.

Dennis Jones

…I fell asleep in the third period, but I think the Carolina Panthers won and are up in the series 3 to 1…

Don Jones

Let me guess …. you had an Orange Freeze and passed out on the couch?

Dennis Jones

…close …yard work and I passed out on the couch …and I gotta mow this afternoon sometime before it starts raining again…

Hockey Talk 06/19

June 19, 2006

HOCKEYTALKLOGO

…with your host, Dennis Jones…

WaterMoccasins

…just your standard, old time hockey team name…

I have played hockey with the same group of guys for the last 6 or 7 years. The team finally fizzled out over this past winter. We had all been threatening to quit for a long time, but this off-season we finally did it. When this summers hockey league rolled around, I wasn’t going to play at all.

Then I got a call from a friend of my youngest son, asking if Pete and I wanted to play on their hockey team this season. I said, “sorry, but Pete is staying in Oklahoma City this summer and working.” Pete’s friend said,”would YOU like to play on our team, Mr. Jones?” I replied, “you do remember that I am like really, REALLY old don’t you?” He said, “yeh, we remember, but we would still really like for you to play with us.” So against my better judgment I went ahead and said yes.

I have played on a lot of different teams in the past with a lot of different names and was really curious as to what the moniker of this new team was going to be. Maybe a traditional animal name like Penguins, Bruins, or Sharks. Possibly more of a classic name like Wings, Blues, or Leafs. Perhaps something edgier like Avalanche, Wild, or Thrashers. Nope, none of those names for us. Our team name is Water Moccasin Annihilation.

What does this name mean? I have absolutely no idea. I’m afraid to ask. I can only assume that we really, REALLY don’t like snakes. In fact, if a water moccasin should show up at one of our games, I shudder to think of what might happen. Annihilation I suppose.

I only regret that water moccasins don’t play hockey, because if they did there is no doubt in my mind that we would probably annihilate them. Unless, of course, I’m playing defense…

…because if I’m playing defense…

…the snakes just might have a chance.

The Comments

Don Jone

Can’t wait to hear the detailed updates on the Mocs season… Have you managed to pull your other hamstring yet?

Doug Jones

For added excitement, you should play Roethlisberger style… without pads or helmet… Imagine the stories you would have to tell… if you survived…

Dennis Jones

…well, for me, it’s all about the weird stories that surround my hockey games… because I don’t seem to be displaying a whole lot of hockey ability that I can talk about these days…

Don Jones

Behind the scenes stories are the best… give us some locker room gossip too.

Dennis Jones

…I did end up in the penalty box for two minutes in last fridays game… I’m not sure what I got called for… I did hit a guy pretty hard right in front of a referee… he might have dropped the “attempt to terminate with extreme prejudice” call on me…

Doug Jones

so when is the BrotherJones full contact Bocce Ball game? …this summer sometime?

Dennis Jones

…sometime in July I believe… don’t forget to bring your hockey sticks to launch the bocce balls with…

Don Jones

I need to get over to Army Surplus and pick up a helmet and some protection gear.

Dennis Jones

…I’m wearing my Huntington Deep Gourdsman Warriors helmet for the Annual Brother Jones Full Contact Bocce Ball Tournament… you Don will (no doubt) be wearing your Phightin’ Phlegm Phootball helmet… Doug will probably just want to wear his traditional folded newspaper hat to play in again this year…

Doug Jones

I have a feeling that this year I need to add an extra layer of newsprint… and a chin strap

Dennis Jones

…better start practicing your origami…

Don Jones

Enjoyed the Stanley Cup championship game last night. Those hockey players are rugged lookin’.

Doug Jones

hockey? …there was a hockey game last night??

Don Jones

Championship of the WORLD…

Roy

Dennis good to hear that you are still in ‘good’ physical condition. By the way, the room than you and Lynn built at Table Rock is still standing and doing well. Thought you would like to know.

Dennis Jones

…that the room Lynn and I built on Table Rock Lake is still standing could quite possibly be the most shocking thing I have read on Brother Jones to date…

Hockey Talk 06/26

June 26, 2006

HockeyBuddies

…just a friendly game of hockey…

Only one undefeated team was left in our hockey league, the mighty Puckhogs, and we had to play them last Friday night.

It was a tight game and somewhere in the second period while changing lines the puck zipped by me as I came out for my shift. Two of our guys snagged it and headed for the net. I jumped in behind them as a trailer, a risky move for me because I am a defenseman, but it gave us a 3 on 1 break. Unfortunately, we did not bury the puck in the net, it popped out, the other team grabbed it and roared back towards our net.

This was not a good thing. I had gambled as a defenseman, it had not paid off, I was totally out of position, and now the other team was working a 3 on 1 on us. I sprinted all the way back to the other end of the rink, they took a shot (which our goalie kicked to the corner), I swerved and headed for the puck.

At this point I had just used every ounce of strength I had to get back and had no energy left to stop… so I stopped by slamming (really hard) into the boards in the corner. My crash into the boards was so loud that everyone watching in the rink went… oooohh. Unfortunately, a guy from the opposing team who had the puck at the time got caught between me and the boards and the ref gave me a two minute penalty for roughing. Oh, well.

When the game was over I was talking to a couple of guys I knew on the opposing team. They said they did not see the play, but when they heard the huge crash in the corner, they just looked at each other, shook their heads and said, ”…we know who that was.”

…and they were right!

By the way… we won the game 3 to 2. HOO HOO!

The Comments

Don Jones

Man, that’s good stuff. Risks, board crashin’, out-of-control… sounds like your illustration style too! YOU”RE NUMBER ONE! YOU’RE NUMBER ONE!

Doug Jones

BAD refs! They should have given you a 5 minute penalty… then you could have rested more…

Cheran

Hoo Hoo? So does that mean that your name, “Water Maccasin Annihilation”, is bye owl? Congrats!

Dennis Jones

…that’s our dog, Moo, (in the picture) yucking it up with some stray cat…

Don Jones

This post made me do some scripture referencing… The verse from Proverbs makes this illustration that much better. Den, I bet you consider your opponent body-checks into the boards just friendly little induced wounds.

Dennis Jones

…absolutely, and I always try to apologize afterward just in case I hurt anyones feelings…

Hockey Talk 07/24

July 24, 2006

HOCKEYTALKLOGO

…with your host, Dennis Jones…

ChampionDen

…let the Water Moccasin Annihilation begin…

Last Friday night the beloved Water Moccasin Annihilation entered the hockey playoff tournament seeded as the number four team. Our first match was a tighter contest than we expected, but we were able to pull out a win in the closing minutes of the game.

The good news was that we got to advance to the next level of the playoff bracket. The bad news was that we had to play the dreaded PuckHogs who were the number one seed in the tournament. We were behind the majority of the game, but the puck bounced our way a couple of times at the end and we won the game in a sudden death overtime period.

That sent us to the championship game where we faced the number two seed of the tournament, the Puckers. This was a pretty spirited contest and by the time the first period was over several players from both teams had been thrown out of the game for fighting. That left our team with only eight players to finish the game. We played hard, (even the old guy on the team), came from behind, and then buried the Puckers in the last period, winning the game 5 to 3.

We got our championship trophy (and as all true hockey fans know), it is customary to hold the cup over your head and skate around the rink with it. Some of our players did this. I chose not to… mainly because the championship trophy was only about a foot tall… and it looked a little ridiculous skating around the rink with a toy trophy held over your head.

As I was leaving I noticed that the rink had called the police and officers were there to make sure we all went home nicely. It reminded me of the old adage, “I went to the fights last night and a hockey game broke out”.

The Comments

Don Jones

CoNgrAtUlAtionS Dennis on that fantastic Hockey ChamPioNshiP!! I was really hoping to read some details of you pounding some guy’s face with your stick or spearing or something but nevertheless… You’re a WINNEr.

Doug Jones

yeAH… and you are really STYLIN’ in that retro uniform. Say, is that some really LARGE licorice sticks on your forearms?

Dennis Jones

…well Don… there are some pretty gory details from the game… suffice it to say, it became quite a nasty affair at the end…

…the other team was quite pleased with themselves for goading one of our best players into a fight and getting him thrown out of the game… in the last period they seemed to turn their attention to me… for what reason, I have no idea… if I were them, I would be trying to keep me in the game as long as possible…

…just two of numerous incidents…

…I came flying thru the center at one point and a guy took his stick in his hands like a baseball bat and hacked me right in the chest with the blade end of his stick… I have a huge bloody bruise on my chest now where he nailed me…

…I kept clearing the cherry pickers out of the crease and one guy got so mad he hacked the back of my skates about ten times as hard as he could with his stick until he knocked my feet out from under me…

…I gave them all my best dirty look …boy, did that show them…

…it did not, however, get them to stop picking on me…

Doug Jones

“Everybody Picks on Dennis” … a new hit TV show for the fall…

Don Jones

That’s what I was looking for… details. I wanted to taste and smell the story. I’m thinkin’ you may be the Derek Sanders of this league… wasn’t he the Boston Bruin who fought everybody?

roballoo

Perhaps a more genteele sport such as Bocce Ball is in order. Curious to see what you put in your sketchbook after that game.

bernardfromtheyard

Hello Dennis, Great hockey uniform there…the Hulls would be proud. Hey, check your JB’s email ( if it’s a separate account as I have left you a commercial inquiry that you may be interested in. Love this site, Bernard

Doug Jones

are you outta town again? or just layin’ low cause the revenuers are pokin’ around your woods…

Painting Tip 13 C

May 7, 2007

LadderGuys

…the effective use of ladders…

LadderComparison

…RobalLOO thinks this is me but he is wrong… I look nothing like this guy… well, maybe the eyes… but that’s all…

Here’s a helpful tip for your next painting excursion. Use the ladder more effectively. When painting hard to reach areas, use ladders as stilts to move around the room. This is a huge time saver and rarely ends up in an emergency trip to the hospital. With all the extra time you save, you can now participate in more enjoyable pursuits… like bobbing for french fries.

The Comments

Jeff

A logical progression of the Spinal Fusion Scaffold System. New for 2007, The Total Hip Replacement Stilts go where no other ladder should. Arlington Orthopedic group is looking to sponsor this project..

Dennis Jones

…I believe I learned how to write up official sponsorship proposals from you, Jeff… perhaps Arlington Orthopedic would also be willing to sponsor some new hockey jerseys and a little rink time for us aging hockey players here in Indiana…

Jeff

Of course I get an official D.J. hockey jersey? I already have 1.

Roballoo

I could be wrong but is that Bro. Dennis looking askance from the left side of the image?

Dennis Jones

…maybe… the only way to know for certain is if he takes off the hat…

Jeff

I like the way the “T” can not really be seen on the ladder guys can leaving “PAIN”. Was this intentional?

Dennis Jones

…huh… no, I didn’t intend that, but it does work pretty well… I was reading an interview with the main guy from an old rock band called Klaatu and he was being asked about all the hidden stuff people found in their music and he said it was all news to him… in the arts, sometimes stuff just kinda happens, I guess…

Doug Jones

Painting tip 13-C… isn’t this a page from the “BrotherJones Do It Yourself and wind up in the Hospital” book we put out a couple of years ago?

Dennis Jones

…you caught me Doug… this is in fact a page from our, (now out of print), BROTHER JONES DO IT YOURSELF AND WIND UP IN THE HOSPITAL book we put out a few years ago… I think you can still find a few copies in the dollar store (along with most of our other published works)… perhaps I will post tip 13-D (talking on your cell phone while driving) later on this week…

Don Jones

I am working up a new title as well… Living Life In Chaos- Brother Jones tips on international travel, car and mower repair and budget tips for moving from “in the black” to “in the red”.

Dennis Jones

…Karen and I usually just look at each other, shake our heads and say, “it’s always something”…

Jeff

I think the two characters look nothing alike.. Notice the shifty brows, high forehead, beady eyes..Then look at the cartoon guy.. ha. ha.

Dennis Jones

HEY!

…life in northeast Indiana has been tough on my runway model good looks since moving out of Texas, Jeff…

Doug Jones

that runway has lots of potholes in it now…

Dennis Jones

HEY!

Jeff

I just changed modeling jobs..I now work for Biffs Old N Ugly..

Face Off

July 9, 2007

HockeyStick1HockeyStick2

I skated out to take the face off in last friday nights hockey game and as I was waiting for the referee to drop the puck I noticed something scribbled on the blade of my hockey stick. With closer observation, it became pretty obvious that my youngest son, Pete, had punked me again.

The Comments

Roballoo

I like the Cathy (nonexistant) Nose.

Dennis Jones

…I think this might become my new personal logo…

Doug Jones

I’m thinking this drawing struck FEAR in the hearts of the other team. As they shrank back in fear and trembling, I hope you got to score a goal or two…

Dennis Jones

…I think you may be right because I got one goal and two assists in the game… maybe I need to outline that little picture with a black Sharpie so the other team can see it better…

Don Jones

Peter has a future as a caricaturist artist. Forget that accounting stuff…

Doug Jones

…but SOMEbody needs to count them beans…

Dennis Jones

The Official Hockey Game Report !!!

(1) …this game started at 10:30, (which is kinda late), so no one bothered to show up for our team… we had our goalie, one starting line, and one sub… a Quizno’s I believe…

(2) …one of our players took a 5 minute major penalty within the first 3 minutes of the game, kinda went crazy, the refs tacked two more penalties on top of that one and threw him out of the game… this left us with no subs and 9 penalty minutes to kill…

(3) …a hockey shift usually lasts for a minute or two, but our team had to play the entire game with no rest…

(4) …I got really tired…

(5) …during the second period, I was thinking a lot about the delicious Orange Freeze I would be having at Steak And Shake after the game…

(6) …we managed to score 5 goals during the game, but couldn’t quite overcome all the goals the other team scored on us during the monster penalty kill…

(7) …I got a boo boo on my knee…

(8) …my hockey pants are so old the snap rusted and broke off during the game and it scratched my tummy…

(9) …the referees seem to know me by name… I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing…

(10) …any game I can walk away from in one piece is a good game… this was a pretty good game…

Don Jones

Sounds like this hockey game was one for the ages. Is that how that cliche is used? Or is it, one for the books? Especially liked the “thinking about the delicious Orange Freeze after the game…” Priceless.

Doug Jones

are you crazy?! At 10:30 you should be at Steak n Shake drinking the delicious Orange Freeze and laughing at the guys who went to play hockey… at least that’s what I would do…

Don Jones

And by all means… order a side of fries with that Freeze.

Ma.

MMmmm where do you find the time?