Gourd Season is ON!

May 29, 2005

GourdPatch

Yes, the Official Brother Jones Gourd Patch has finally been deposited into the ground and we are now hoping for yet another productive season.

This year we have planted bottleneck, birdhouse, longneck dipper, basket, miniature… and several other varieties that I cant seem to remember at the time of this posting.

Here is a little math problem for you. We planted 72 mounds this year. Each mound has at least three seeds in it. Each seed will produce a vine. A really bad vine might produce five gourds. A really good vine could produce ten or more. How many gourds might we expect to see by the end of the season?

This math problem is in memory of our Grandma Grantham who thought math was really, really fun. She bought little Donnie and me math workbooks to do (for fun) one summer when we spent a week with her and Grandpa at the farm. Little Donnie and I hid in the turkey house to escape having to do the really, really fun math workbooks.

The Comments

Kyle Jones

Eleventy Billion

Lil’ Donnie

I loved that turkey house. We smoked alot of grape vines in there.

Dennis Jones

Kyle, that is exactly right… your ability to figure out higher math equations like this one does indicate to me that you are now truly a high school graduate…

Dennis Jones

…and Lil’ Donnie… time for you to come in from the grape vine break and practice your math…

Doug Jones

is eleventy billion more than a dozen… or less… I forget. and just what are you going to do with eleventy billion gourds?

Dennis Jones

…what am I going to do with eleventy billion gourds? Hey, what CANT I do with eleventy billion gourds is the question.

For instance…

…since they float I could always tie them all together and build a raft so I could escape this crazy island with the mysterious invisible monster on it… I would just hope not to run into any pirates on the way home that want to kidnap the kid on the boat… you know… that sort of thing…

Doug Jones

…or you could turn them into an army and fight the clone wars and defeat the evil Empire.

Nick Jones Everybody

I think this should be like a reality show for you. People send in ideas for things you should make with gourds and then you produce them and show the process for the world to see. I got dibs on the mikey character.

Dennis Jones

…so, like… I walk out into the garage and start yelling at Pete about how he better hurry up and get that custom gourd done and he yells back at me about how it takes a lot of time to do a really cool gourd and then you walk into the garage and crack a joke and then we all have a good laugh and then we take the gourd to some big gourd show and sign autographs just like they do on American Chopper… something like that?

Nick Jones Everybody

now see that’s what I’m talking about. All we have to remember is that every time we talk to the camera it has to sound completely contrived and scripted. Who will be the high school kid that works harder than all of us and secretly thinks we are all morons? oh by the way I found out you weren’t Deep Throat after all. Bummer dude.

Don Jones

Nick, it’s ironic you mentioned Deep Throat. The Jones brothers also sport a moniker utilizing the key word Deep. Unbeknownst to you Dennis, (your Father) is rolling in the dough. In other words, wealthy. He is known as Deep Pockets. I, the former owner of the 1991 Dodge Caravan with 2 or 3 transmissions go by Deep Heap. Uncle Doug and his notorious attempts at plumbing and other assorted handyman jobs has earned him the down and dirty little title of Deep DoDo. There ya go hope this gives you some insight on your DNA.

Dennis Jones

…nicholas LUKE… I AM YOUR FATHER…

Nick Jones Everybody

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Doug Jones

join the DarkJoneses and rule the universe with us…

Don Jones

Which movie is this dialogue from? I get confused.

Dennis Jones

Jones Wars

Nick Jones Everybody

Aren’t you supposed to cut my hand off first or something? I’m just not feeling the drama here. By the way do I also have a hottie sister that you’ve never told me about?

Dennis Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Don Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!! I just wanted to type that as well

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