Gourd Season is ON!

May 29, 2005

GourdPatch

Yes, the Official Brother Jones Gourd Patch has finally been deposited into the ground and we are now hoping for yet another productive season.

This year we have planted bottleneck, birdhouse, longneck dipper, basket, miniature… and several other varieties that I cant seem to remember at the time of this posting.

Here is a little math problem for you. We planted 72 mounds this year. Each mound has at least three seeds in it. Each seed will produce a vine. A really bad vine might produce five gourds. A really good vine could produce ten or more. How many gourds might we expect to see by the end of the season?

This math problem is in memory of our Grandma Grantham who thought math was really, really fun. She bought little Donnie and me math workbooks to do (for fun) one summer when we spent a week with her and Grandpa at the farm. Little Donnie and I hid in the turkey house to escape having to do the really, really fun math workbooks.

The Comments

Kyle Jones

Eleventy Billion

Lil’ Donnie

I loved that turkey house. We smoked alot of grape vines in there.

Dennis Jones

Kyle, that is exactly right… your ability to figure out higher math equations like this one does indicate to me that you are now truly a high school graduate…

Dennis Jones

…and Lil’ Donnie… time for you to come in from the grape vine break and practice your math…

Doug Jones

is eleventy billion more than a dozen… or less… I forget. and just what are you going to do with eleventy billion gourds?

Dennis Jones

…what am I going to do with eleventy billion gourds? Hey, what CANT I do with eleventy billion gourds is the question.

For instance…

…since they float I could always tie them all together and build a raft so I could escape this crazy island with the mysterious invisible monster on it… I would just hope not to run into any pirates on the way home that want to kidnap the kid on the boat… you know… that sort of thing…

Doug Jones

…or you could turn them into an army and fight the clone wars and defeat the evil Empire.

Nick Jones Everybody

I think this should be like a reality show for you. People send in ideas for things you should make with gourds and then you produce them and show the process for the world to see. I got dibs on the mikey character.

Dennis Jones

…so, like… I walk out into the garage and start yelling at Pete about how he better hurry up and get that custom gourd done and he yells back at me about how it takes a lot of time to do a really cool gourd and then you walk into the garage and crack a joke and then we all have a good laugh and then we take the gourd to some big gourd show and sign autographs just like they do on American Chopper… something like that?

Nick Jones Everybody

now see that’s what I’m talking about. All we have to remember is that every time we talk to the camera it has to sound completely contrived and scripted. Who will be the high school kid that works harder than all of us and secretly thinks we are all morons? oh by the way I found out you weren’t Deep Throat after all. Bummer dude.

Don Jones

Nick, it’s ironic you mentioned Deep Throat. The Jones brothers also sport a moniker utilizing the key word Deep. Unbeknownst to you Dennis, (your Father) is rolling in the dough. In other words, wealthy. He is known as Deep Pockets. I, the former owner of the 1991 Dodge Caravan with 2 or 3 transmissions go by Deep Heap. Uncle Doug and his notorious attempts at plumbing and other assorted handyman jobs has earned him the down and dirty little title of Deep DoDo. There ya go hope this gives you some insight on your DNA.

Dennis Jones

…nicholas LUKE… I AM YOUR FATHER…

Nick Jones Everybody

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Doug Jones

join the DarkJoneses and rule the universe with us…

Don Jones

Which movie is this dialogue from? I get confused.

Dennis Jones

Jones Wars

Nick Jones Everybody

Aren’t you supposed to cut my hand off first or something? I’m just not feeling the drama here. By the way do I also have a hottie sister that you’ve never told me about?

Dennis Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!

Don Jones

nnnNNNNOOOOOOOOoooo!!!! I just wanted to type that as well

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The Weasel Report

September 19, 2005

Weasel

The Brothers Jones have been playing fantasy football together since the early 90’s. Our game has evolved from a game on fax paper to a high tech internet game. My team is the Sheboygan Weasels… and this is our Early Season Report.

It looks like the real strength of the Weasels this year will be the quarterbacking tandem. I have Daunte Culpepper starting and Joey Harrington on the bench. Last week they combined for a whopping one touchdown. Of course, that came from my guy on the bench, so it didn’t count in my game.

But what I am proudest of is that my quarterbacks combined last week for a grand total of ten interceptions. They each had five. These guys show the essence of what Sheboygan Weasel Football is all about.

Yes, the strength of my team this year is definitely my two quarterbacks. The rest of the team pretty much goes downhill from there.

The Comments

Don Jones

It was pretty obvious the NFL.com auto-draft was not too kind to the Weasels this year. But if I know you Den, you’ll have those drop/trade buttons singing in the next few days and have that Weasel roster whipped back into winning form. I wonder if there is a Vince Lobotomy Super Bowl Gourd on the horizon for this year’s Stupor Bowl winner? An oblong gourd painted in beautiful aluminum patena… that’s Spanish for color.

Dennis Jones

…I am really wanting to draft the Burger King… I see him making plays every week… but I cant seem to find him on the free agent list…

Don Jones

He creeps me out. I haven’t had a whopper in years just because of him.

Dennis Jones

He is creepy, but have you noticed he is making highlight film plays every week… that guy has got game!

Doug Jones

ARRRRRR! Ahoy mateys! Ye needs some new recruits? Go shanghai a NFL vessel sailin’ in yer waters. Me… I like the Pepsi machine… got good hands…

Don Jones

In part because the D he’s playing against is so stinkin’ soft. Put him against McDonald’s Big D or even that noted cornerback Wendy and he’d be chewing the turf. That’s just my opinion.

Dennis Jones

…the Pepsi machine does have good hands, but it’s way too slow for the Weasels…

Dennis Jones

THE WEASEL REPORT UPDATED UPDATE

So far in four games Culpepper and Harrington have combined for thirteen interceptions and three touchdowns… (the three touchdowns, of course, came from the guy I have sitting on the bench)… I am sure glad Dante is a franchise player and cannot be traded… Whew!

Don Jones

I stayed up to the bitter end of MNF. And boy was it worth it. I love the crazy long bombs by the pathetically weak Redskin offense. The Tuna was beside himself… I guess that makes him a side of tuna.

Dennis Jones

THE WEASEL REPORT PLAYER PROFILE

Todays featured player… tight end Marcus Pollard.

I was so pleased to see Marcus drafted by the Weasels this year. I have watched him play for several seasons with the Colts. Now that he is with Detroit he should be a splendid weapon for them, too. He is a gamer. Marcus is probably the best player on my team.

NEWS FLASH: Pollard is out with a concussion from last weeks Chicago game.

Well… at least I have another quality tight end waiting on the bench for such a time as this… Jermaine Wiggins… and seeing as how he plays in that explosive Vikings offense that has piled up one touchdown this season I will no doubt be wracking up the big points with him this weekend!

GO WEASELS!

Don Jones

My initial thought here (really)… The Weasels are a bunch of retreads.

Dan Lietha

I feel your pain over the Daunte Culpepper problems. I’m a diehard Vikings fan and was AT the slaughter in Cincinnati. My wife bought us tickets to the game to surprise me. Boy was I surprised! That was a $140 investment into depression.

Don Jones

Dan, sorry to report but I had a good laugh there at your expense. The vision of a wide eyed. rabid Vikings fan with an empty wallet, a big-time loss, no Randy Moss… this is funny stuff.

Dennis Jones

Well Dan… as a Vikings fan you no doubt heard the pundits in the off season proclaiming the Viking offense would be even better WITHOUT Randy Moss… I never did understand their reasoning in this… how do you subtract that many touchdowns from your offense and get any better?

Dan Lietha

I am happy to report that my Vikings pain has been totally HEALED! Tonight I found and bought a copy of the SEE WITH ME BIBLE and now I don’t even care about the Vikings season! I’ll spend Sundays drooling over this wonderful work of art instead of depressed over another NFL loss. Thank you Dennis! It’s a miracle! 🙂

Dennis Jones

…and if the Vikings get things turned around this season that will be a miracle, too!

Don Jones

Speaking of miracles… did you catch the crushed spinal cord miracle on LOST last night? When the good doctor was working out in the stadium and that guy paused to assist him with his little ankle injury… what was it that he said he was training for? World domination or something?

Don Jones

Maybe he was preparing to play for the Vikes.

Dennis Jones

…looks like the writers of LOST stepped up to the plate last night and are going to deliver on a really interesting season…

Don Jones

We’ve just recruited another LOST viewer. Kellie is now in the process of watching the intro hour deal… and some how 48 passengers survived. Excuse me! Did you ever use a needle?

Betsy

You have two more LOST viewers here! Last week Andy and I rented all the DVD’s from Season 1 so we would know what is going on with the show. 24 episodes in 5 days!!

Dan Lietha

And to bring this LOST conversation together with the Vikings talk, go here:– Very fitting.

Dennis Jones

…thats funny… as well as fitting…

The Official Brother Jones LOST Fan Forum

September 29, 2005

LOST

There are about a half-a-kajillion fan forums on the internet for the ABC television show LOST. Now there are a half-a-kajillion and one.

Introducing the official un-official web site to cuss n discuss your latest kookie theories about this show…

…its …THE BROTHER JONES LOST FAN FORUM!

please keep hands and feet inside the ride at all times

The Comments

Doug Jones

SocMo is definitely one of the OTHERS… and that guy down in the hatch is just his lackey… SocMo is the brains of the island.

Dennis Jones

I dont know about you Doug, but I started watching this because I thought there were going to be dinosaurs eating people each week… I still haven’t given up on that idea… perhaps Socmo rides a Mastodon into tribal council and saves Locke from being voted off the island?… just a theory…

Doug Jones

I think there is no dinosaur… what you are seeing is just SocMo letting off a little steam. He does have a temper you know.

Dennis Jones

yes… yes that makes sense, Doug… that answers the mystery about the black smoke… I have another theory about Locke being related to our friend and fellow artist Gary Locke, but I haven’t quite got that idea figured out yet…

Don Jones

I believe when Michael and Sawyer finally rode their bamboo bomb to shore they discovered that Jin had flipped his lid and had started a dairy farm. That’s the reason he was yelling “Udders, udders, udders!” at them.

Dennis Jones

Yes, Don the dairy farm theory has been floating around the internet for some time now… the other part of that theory that you left out is that it is so dry there on the beach the cows are actually giving powdered milk…

Doug Jones

My theory is Gary Locke is SocMo’s father. This would explain his wild and crazy behavior. At some point John Locke will pull off his latex disguise and reveal that he is Gary Locke and say… “SocMo… I am your father!” Then the fun begins.

Don Jones

Jin was udderly insane. This Locke theory makes alot of sense. So much sense that perhaps that’s the catch. If SocMo is indeed the son of Gary… then that means SocMo is the grandchild of John. It all ties together… much like the bamboo raft. BUT!… is the shark really dead or was that just a flesh wound?

Dennis Jones

hmmm… some excellent thinking going on today from the Brothers Jones… I cannot quit pondering Dons cow theory tho… I believe I saw in the bunker… there in the background… not just some old time computers… but a couple of cow-culators… it all plays into the dairy cow theory I believe…

Don Jones

Maybe those other guys are banished Amish dairy farmers and they are coming on the beach to raise a bamboo barn…

Dennis Jones

…now that would explain A LOT Don… the “others” are a group of shunned Amish folk who are stranded on the same island after their makeshift buggy raft was blown off course by hurricane Katrina… perhaps their cows quit giving milk… became… milk-duds so to speak… they would have to do something… right? …going to the beach for a good ole fashioned barn raising makes perfect sense… brilliant… I think we are about to get this season figured out…

Don Jones

Now we’ve done it. There’s really no more reasons to watch LOST since we figured it all out. I’m switchin’ to MARTHA!

Dennis Jones

HOLY COW!!!

Kyle Jones

Just remember, for every Locke, there is a Key

Doug Jones

John (Gary) Locke: SocMo… I am your father. Join me on the DARK side of the FARM and together we will rule the island! SocMo: NOoooOOOoooooOOOooo…. …well, maybe.

Doug Jones

Prediction#1: Next week it will be revealed that Kate is SocMo’s sister. She will appear with two honey buns glued to her head.

Doug Jones

Prediction#2 The explosions on the island are nothing more than exploding cows… who can’t handle their methane production.

Doug Jones

Prediction#3 Desmond will reach the correct speed on his exercise bike and BLAST into the future… where Michael J. Fox will teach him to use a hoverboard.

Thomas

Great! half-a-kajillion and one forums on lost and yet no one is suspecting the Dog, you know Vincent. Runs off into the jungle willie-nillie and ALWAYS comes back – but only when he WANTS to… People go running off after him and THEN they have this “I see dead people” experience… Hmmm … And has anyone checked his dog tag number? If you look closely in Episode 5, season 1, the number is 7970! While this number isn’t the sum of the numbers on the side of the hatch (4 8 15 16 23 42), it’s VERY interesting these numbers have NO relationship to anything that’s happened to anyone on the plane! And, it turns out, the dog’s former owner did own a dairy farm. Why did Vincent bring them all here? Everyone, aside from Walt, on Oceanic Flight 815 is a cat lover … This has driven Vincent to kidnap Walt and keep him safe, while trying to quarantine everyone else on the island. I think I’ve proved my point on this … Excellent discussion guys!

Doug Jones

4 8 15 16 23 42… HUT! Excellent work Thomas! It’s ALWAYS the DOG… unless there is a butler… and I haven’t seen a butler yet. The mastermind of the entire deal is a small, 300 year old Amish farmer… YODER. He wants the dog to heard his cows to the barn that is being raised on the beach by the OTHERS.

Don Jones

Man, that’s deep. Who would’ve thought Walt (Disney) was Vincent’s (Van Gogh) evil twin?

Don Jones

I think those are the same signals that Daunte Culpepper has been utilizing with the Vikings this year… no wonder they’ve LOST!

Doug Jones

Vincent… yeah… Vincent…. and he always goes out at night… Starry Starry Night….

Dennis Jones

wow… I thought I had this all figured out until Doug and Thomas came in with these new scenarios… both very plausible… I may have to watch again next week now…

Fox Mulder

“The truth is out there…. and you find it on BrotherJones dot com”

Dennis Jones

…thats ‘cause we are all sitting around here with our home made tin foil anti-alien protective helmets on… we are still able to think for ourselves…

Thomas

I wasn’t going to go into the play calling and Da Vincent code, but since you seem to be a rather open minded group here, I’ll go a bit further … Vincent actually came up with this code – the REAL Da Vinci code (4 8 15 16 23 42) … He knew this would create havoc whenever used ( just look at Hurley’s problems when used for the lottery) after an experiment with some Chickens that ended rather grotesquely … Unfortunately, on a recent trip, a certain QB for a certain team, based in Wisconsin, took a trip to nearby Amish Dairy farm to pick up some of his favorite cheese, saw the numbers etched on the side of a doghouse and thought he might try them in the upcoming season (considering they didn’t have much of an offensive line any longer, what could it hurt, he thought) … Well, this is all a spin-off of what Vincent’s original intentions were, but, suffice to say, they have had serious ramifications upon a certain team in Green Bay. Next time Green Bay plays, notice what NUMBER is on the starting QB’s jersey and how many YEARS experience he has… And just look at the LOST expression on his face often exhibited … Coincidence? I think not.

Nick Jones Everybody

ok spoiler warning…. here is what’s really going on. We all know Charlie’s past…. he’s a hobbit. not just any hobbit… he is a good personal friend of Frodo. Now Frodo is in possession of this ring that a lot of people want…. These people want it so much that they would be willing to crash a plane just to get their hands on it…. coincidence? look at the number sequence…

4 – number of hobbit friends that Frodo has
8- 4 is half of 8, hobbits are half the size of people.
15- 1 minus 5 equals negative four, if you drop the negative you again have the number of hobbit friends…
16- 6-1 equals 5… the number of letters in FRODO
23 – 2+3 equals 5 also the number of letters in Frodo.
42- this is a stupid number and was just thrown in to confuse everyone…

In support of the cow theory however… The first thing that Jack said when he saw Desmond was Mooo…

Don Jones

I’d like to direct the attention back to the DON journal for a moment for an updated picture that is worth the wait on dial-up… (Den, that’s you.) Nick, can you help me with my taxes next year? Your number crunchin’ is fugh-naugh-men-nul.

Doug Jones

Once me and some hobbits were hanging around with Leonardo and I caught the Da Vinci cold. Used a TON of tissues blowing my nose.

Thomas

Filthy Hobbitss

Dennis Jones

…oh man… NICK… I couldn’t help myself even tho you had a spoiler warning up and I read your inside information on the show anyway… you just RUINED it for me… thanks a lot…

Don Jones

Who’s Charlie?

Dennis Jones

Don I told you to watch season one with your boys…

Dennis Jones

ok, ok, I will tell you who Charlie is… Charlie actually really is the hobbit on the show… apparently after saving Narnia the hobbits put together a hard rockin’ band named OrcShaft and toured quite extensively… he was trying to get the band back together when the plane went down…

Don Jones

I obviously overlooked this critical piece of information in the Season 1 hour summary.
I feel short changed. Seems like OrcShaft was one of those one hit wonder groups. SocMo worked as a roadie for their Aussie Tour.

Mason Jones

Uncle Denny the only problem with your Charlie theory is that he has never been to Narnia but maybe MIDDLE EARTH.

Dennis Jones

hmmm… …are you sure about that Mason? …because I seem to remember the first thing the hobbits did after saving Narnia was play an OrcShaft concert at some big stadium there and they had plenty of Turkish Delight for everyone in attendance…

Dennis Jones

…by the way Don, since you are new to the show this season and did not seem to know who Charlie the hobbit was, you might need to know this about him too… he is an addict… he is hooked on the Turkish Delight… sad, but true… and that little statue of the Mother Mary he keeps in his little hobbit knapsack… its full of the stuff…

CAUTION: LOST SPOILER

October 4, 2005

LOSTonTheBeach

WARNING: This is a LOST TV SHOW SPOILER… DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PICTURE unless you want to spoil this weeks surprising show twist.

After exaustive internet digging, the crack staff in the Brother Jones Research And Development Department have discovered this screen cap for Wednesdays LOST television show. It seems the Castaway Amish Dairy Cow Theory that we broke exclusively here last week is indeed the direction the show is headed in.

Always depend on Brother Jones Dot Com for late breaking, reliable pop culture news.

The Comments

Doug Jones

did one of the cows eat Walt?

Don Jones

They are looking for one of Sawyer’s contact lenses. Ironic how the cows and the Amish guys have similar black and white outfits…. wait a minute! Sawyer is wanting the cow to play leap-frog. This is one crazy drama. Dennis, this is going to blow the lid off this show. Keep up the fantastic work.

Dennis Jones

I will continue to do my best to run down every plausible theory I can as a public service to the Brother Jones viewing public which is depending on this web site to bring them reliable, and up to date information on the latest in breaking LOST news items…

Nick Jones Everybody

is that a dharma logo I see on that cow?

Doug Jones

goodgollybum! I think Nick has nailed it. The secret organization is run by the cows. The last time we saw Walt he was dripping wet. I think he went to the Amish water carnival and lost the ballon toss.

Dennis Jones

…whats a dharma logo?

Don Jones

The OTHER secret organization is indeed an Amish hourly plus materials operation which rides to and from bamboo barn raisin’ beach work on coordinating black and white colored cows. Walt is their designated front man who runs a water park carnival and sells dairy products on the side. It’s all coming together… my head is spinning.

<{

So was it the fast and furious work on the barn raising that caused the smoke?

Nick Jones Everybody

man you need to start pounding the Lost message boards. At our office we have designated 3:30 to 4 as Lost discussion time everyday. Dharma is the company that Desmond works for. The Dharma logo was on the tail of that shark that almost ate Sawyer… where have you been? I’m just glad that this super secret group still jams out to Cass Elliot.

Dennis Jones

hmmm… interesting… I guess I have not been paying close enough attention to the show… too busy formulating theories I suppose… you DO know what Dharma says spelled backwards dont you?… Amrahd… think about it!… pretty spooky…

Don Jones

HEy… that was in an old Atlanta Rhythm Section cover tune… “Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little Amrahd like you.”

Dennis Jones

…thats what I’m talkin’ about…

Doug Jones

I cut out that Dharma logo and played it on my turntable backwards and it said… “Paul is dead” Who is Paul? one of the Amish guys?

Dennis Jones

…hmmm… Yoder and Graber are the Amish guys… I dont know who Paul is…

Paul

nah, nah, nah, nah… nah na nah NAH… nah na nah NAH… Hey, Jin…

Pete Jones

i wish i knew what lost was about so i could participate in this conversation, sorry pops…

Dennis Jones

Pete… it is to your credit that you cannot participate in this conversation… you actually have… A REAL LIFE… we are all probably just a little bit dumber just having been exposed to the content on this page…

Wanker stopper

hey guys dont spoil it u wankers

The Joy Of Painting Episode 4

March 16, 2006

JOP4

…with your very worried host, Dennis Jones…

JOP4pic1

…picture one… …picture two…

JOP4pic2

…picture three… …picture four…

To recap yesterdays exciting episode; …after a brief struggle in the painting process I finish the artwork and scan it into my computer.

Inside Photoshop I clean out the “window” area, open up the digital file of the photograph and insert it. The photograph is smaller than my window (picture 1) but this should not be a problem. I have used the color copy the client sent of the photograph and built the artwork directly on top of it, so I know proportionally everything is going to line up. All I have to do is enlarge the photograph.

I enlarge the photograph (picture 2) but things do not fall into place. I sit and look at the computer screen with my mouth open. This is not a good thing. What is going on here? I try stretching the picture down (picture 3) but this hides key elements of the photograph and the white icecaps at the bottom of the photograph do not work at all with the artwork. I try a total distortion in a last ditch effort to force things to work (picture 4) but this makes Europe huge, North America narrow, and Australia disappears. I dont think my client will go for that.

Something has gone terribly wrong. I grab the color copy of the photograph, put it under my artwork, throw it on the light table and look at it again. Everything lines up and is in perfect place. So how come it doesnt work in… oh… I know now… the color copy they sent is not the same size as the digital file they sent me to work with. Copy machines are notorious for either stretching or condensing an image as they print, and that is what has happened here. My artwork is in the wrong place because the color copy was not accurate. I have diagnosed the problem, but not a solution.

Will I be able to pull a rabbit out of my hat on this one or will it be back to the drawing board for a second try on this? Tune in tomorrow for the next exciting episode of The Joy Of Painting!

The Comments

Dan Lietha

and after the robot was chosen OVER the space monkey, it’s a machine that betrays you. You should’ve went with the space monkey after all!
Evil machines … Speaking of machines, what specific scanner do you use? I’m surprized nobody has asked that question yet … but it was coming!

Bucky Jones

Dennis, maybe you covered this already, but what is the final size of your painting, and is there a typical scale you work regarding proportions of actual to printed piece?

Dennis Jones

Dan… I agree with you… this could probably all have been avoided if we had just stuck with the space monkeys… I use the cheapest large format scanner on the market… the Mustek A3 USB…

Dennis Jones

Bucky… this poster was 17 by 22 and I usually work projects to size…

Thomas M.

From these images, it looks as though our fearless space travelers are approaching the earth too fast – almost warp speed!! Sweet Man ‘O La Mancha!!  However, they do keep a smile on their face, knowing full well that Dennis, their mission commander, will come through with the right instructions. Softly, the others in the Space Center Control Room begin their chant…DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ!

Don Jones

This Paintin’ Series has more twist and turns than an episode of LOST! For some reason I read your scanner to be a Musket A3… now that’s old. The Paul Revere patriot model no doubt. My solution to the proportion situation would be to COMMAND-T that bugger and morph it into submission.

janson

wow dennis

megan

Can you scan in the color copy and use that? Or isn’t the color copy very good?

Dennis Jones

…well, when they pay $800.00 for a photograph, I’m pretty sure they want to use the photograph and not a color copy…

…what I really like about your comment, Megan, is that it makes it sound like I am working on this project right now in real time… just like on 24…

Doug Jones

quick… back to your sealed bathroom, Dennis!

Dennis Jones

…yaAAaa …tripped over Edgar…

Doug Jones

Hey… tomorrow I think you should let everyone know how long the painting and adding photo actually took in real time. They will probably be amazed!

Spring House Cleaning

March 30, 2006

Ape

…a brand spankin’ new monkey to look at…

For the last year I have thrown things randomly into my Brother Jones Portfolio Section. I had color art in one place and sketches to that same art somewhere else. Last night while I was waiting for Lost to come on TV I went in and consolidated a lot of this mess. You might just find a couple of new things in there if you look hard enough.

The Comments

Don Jones

Good looking minkey I take it you are beyond a seeing eye dog and white cane…

Dennis Jones

…since my Lasik eye surgery I can’t see well enough to do my tight little cartoon drawings… this is all I can do now…

Don Jones

Well known artists always go through certain “periods” during their career: (i.e. blue period) Den, you have entered your Lasik period… characterized by everything being really big, splattered, loose…

angeline

digitally painted?

Roballoo

Your lasik adventure reminds me of Monet…I went to an exhbit of his water lilie paintings a few years back and found out that as he got older his paintings lost more of their detail and became looser, more abstract. One day he had surgery on his eyes and lo and behold the detail in his art came back. Nice painting of the simian. I liked the splotches on the right side. a nice little touch.

Don Jones

Dennis where R u? This monkey is getting older by the monet.

Doug Jones

Denny is doing his famous “post and run” thing

Don Jones

Better than him doing his “postal” thing. Does he own any firearms?

Dennis Jones

…yes Doug, I am like the traveling evangelist that has three fiery sermons and a fast car… speaking of which, I hafta run again now, but I will come back and play tomorrow… probably…

Doug Jones

don’t forget to collect that big LOVE offering before you skip town, Rev…

~

~  BROTHERJONES BONUS COVERAGE ~

Below are the pictures that were in my PORTFOLIO SECTION that I mentioned in my post above.

~

2006_03_29_1a%20EarGirl2006_03_29_1b%20Cigar 2006_03_29_3b%20RainDance2006_03_29_1c%20CaptainAmerica2006_03_29_3c%20Footprints2006_03_29_3a%20Bombers2006_03_29_2c%20Faramir2006_03_29_2a%20Modano2006_03_29_2b%20Alternative

Hurley’s Imaginary Friend

April 6, 2006

Hurley2

…in the nut house…

Hurley3

…snapshot of Hurley and imaginary friend…

Well… just when you think you have the hit ABC television show LOST figured out they throw something new at you. I didn’t know what to think after last nights show. As a public service to all the Brother Jones LOST fans out there, I am posting these screen caps from last nights episode. Perhaps if we study them carefully we can figure out what exactly is going on with this show.

The Comments

Don Jones

I missed the show. From these pictures it looks like your “vacation” pictures.

Dennis Jones

…for about 99 cents you can download it and watch it…

Doug Jones

does eating celery cause halucinations?

Doug Jones

does eating celery cause halucinations?

Official Draft Day Report Card

May 1, 2006

BenRothlesburger

…2004 Draft Day Bust Ben Roethlisberger…

Every year I enjoy listening to the “experts” predict what players will be drafted by different NFL teams. It’s fun on draft day to listen to these same “experts” analyze why the NFL teams took different players than the ones they said they would.

What I find most interesting is seeing the “experts” post report cards afterwards on how the draft went. They give each team a letter grade on how well they drafted. I suppose this letter grade is contingent on how closely the team picked in relation to the “experts” predictions for them.

Well, not to be outdone, I now give you the Official Brother Jones Report Card grade… B- …maybe a C+…

..I base this grade on absolutely nothing…

…just like the “experts”.

The Comments

Don Jones

The NFL excitement was in the air on Saturday. I tuned in to my five local antennae stations but no DRAFT DAY coverage. I give the K.C. Chiefs a solid B for going out and rounding up some DE by the name of Tamba Hali. I like the name and believe this boy can play.

Dennis Jones

I’ll have to give Tamba Hali a B+ for being drafted… but I am afraid I will have to give him a D- for having a hard name for me to pronounce…

I also give Dons comment a C+…

…and Doug a D- just for fun…

Don Jones

Doug’s D- is for desertion. He’s been a no-show since last Friday. I give you an “R” for this awesome Rothslithburger drawing.

Dennis Jones

…well …sorry to say, Don, I have to give you a D- for not being able to spell Roethlisberger… but I give Roethlisberger an F for having an impossible name to spell…

Doug Jones

D- Doug reporting in…. The Teen Titans and all of Nashville seem to be THRILLED with their new draft pick, Vince Young. Word on the street is McNair is trying to get a deal with the Ravens… it’s a weird world…

Doug Jones

I’m boycotting BrotherJones today to support my fellow Hickspanics.

Dennis Jones

…oh, I see… you walked off the Brother Jones job site today… I’m afraid I’m going to have to change your grade from a D- to an F for that… sorry…

Doug Jones

F? …. F? …. that’s Fantastic!

Don Jones

I was thinking Vince Young used to be in Pure Prairie League and married Amy Grant a few years back. Now he’s been drafted!!??? I give him a grade of V for versatile. Had dinner with Michael Card last night… O.K. I was just in the back of the room and saw him at a distance. I did get a door prize of his new C.D.

Roballoo

The stunned look on the player’s face looks like he was hit in the helmet with a football.

Roballoo

Michael Card ~ He’s a talented little chap. Recently, I wrote some new words to his song “So little time…” Whole lotta food. So little time. It’s a church potluck, and there’s a long line.

Don Jones

I’m sure if Michael heard this rendition he would incorporate it in his concerts I give this comment a strong B+…

Dennis Jones

…I think that lyric would have worked much better if it were switched around…

It’s a church potluck, and there’s a long line…
Whole lotta food, so little time…

…so I am going to have to grade him down a bit for that… B-

Don Jones

Second verse… I know it’s wrong, and certainly a sin- But Uncle Roy’s up front, So I’m cuttin’ in.

Roballoo

Good one. maybe Mr. card will hire us to work on his next album!

bernardfromtheyard

Hey guys, What a cool site… I give myself a D- for not being named Jones but I love football almost as much as Dennis’ art! How much to buy a Big Ben Parody design for our T-Shirt store?

Doug Jones

Darn!!! what’s going on with LOST? I am still in shock over last nights episode!

4 8 15 16 23 42

May 17, 2006

TestPattern

The Comments

Roballoo!

I’m standing. Now what do I do?

Doug Jones

Have a seat, Roballoo…. let me interpret this for you. The numbers mean that Dennis is LOST… but we knew that, right? The test pattern means Denny is on vacation. Stay tuned…..

Don Jones

I have a feeling this is going to be one long and extended coffee break for Den.

Doug Jones

you betchum, Red Ryder!

Don Jones

I believe he is participating in the Romanian version of the Amazing Race.

bernardfromtheyard

I guess this is a Missouri version of a TV stand By? definitely more elaborate than the ones we used to see on the old B&W here in the east. You guys must have gotten them more often?

Roballoo

Hmmm… Those look like crop circles. Maybe he was abducted?

Doug Jones

… it was the OTHERS…

Don Jones

I wonder if Big Chief is still producing writing tablets? I’m impressed that he some how got this “Stand By” endorsement deal.

Roballoo

C’mon everybody now… When the night has come- And the land is dark- And the moon is the only light we’ll see- No I won’t be afraid- no I won’t be afraid- Just as long as you stand- stand by me..”

bernardfromtheyard

Or…Stand By Your Man, dunt, dun-na. Give him two hands to hold on…………..

Don Jones

I’ve been checking the live webcam from Romania and still no sign of Dennis. Hope he hasn’t lost his passport.

Jones Street

June 6, 2006

JonesStreet

…Waiter! Bring me a crocodile sandwich… and make it snappy!

Yesterday I got out of bed, drank some coffee and did some stuff. Today I think I will do the same… but perhaps I will add some different stuff to the mix… we’ll see.

The Comments

Don Jones

Fantastico. From the looks of these birds you probably have some powerwashing to do around the homestead.

Dennis Jones

…Nasa has certainly been quiet lately… what’s up with that?

Doug Jones

speaking of LOST… I watched the season finale again yesterday and it is SO good. Finally some movement in the story line. I need one of those Fail Safe keys for my garage. I could turn the key and after bright lights and loud noises… all the junk would be gone. … but what about the dinosaurs… when they gonna explain THAT?

Dennis Jones

…Moo caught a rabbit yesterday… whatta dog! …kinda stinks for the rabbit tho…

Doug Jones

a ukulele has four strings

Dennis Jones

…at noon I saw a lady on TV that makes pictures out of dryer lint… creepy, yet strangely intriguing…

Don Jones

I have fallen and I can’t get up.

Dennis Jones

…I have been keeping an eye on the Colts during the off-season… hardly any of them in jail yet… I therefore predict a good season for them this year…

Don Jones

DATELINE- Nashville, TN Steve McNair to announce his departure from the misdirected Titans this afternoon and his deliverance into the Promise Land of the NFL east, the Baltimore Ravens. (conditional on him passing a physical) He’s never completely 100 percent, is he?

Dennis Jones

…I had to join MYSPACE.COM to be able to look at some pictures Nick told me I needed to look at there… my name is TORONTOSAURUS and I have no friends on that site… much the same situation I have going here…

Don Jones

My take on MYSPACE is that it’s a vast human wasteland. I’M IN!!!

Doug Jones

that’s probablly where our 8 visitors went… I’d rather hang out at Blogger myself… higher class of geeks there.

Doug Jones

yeah… the BIG news is McNair has left the Teen Titans for the Ravenoids. Hope he does good there. EVERYBODY in Nashville likes him and hates to see him go… but as they are saying… business is business….

Dennis Jones

I posted a FABULOUS VIDEO ON MYSPACE that I shot MYSELF!… but I think you have to sign up for a MYSPACE space to be able to see it…

…hmmm …would it be worth it to see the video? …or not?

Doug Jones

not

Doug Jones

hmmmm… that looked a lot like SocMo walking out of a revolving door… followed by NJE… two celebrities!

Dennis Jones

…did you have to sign up for MYSPACE to see the video or were you able to just view it?

Doug Jones

no sign up… it just worked! …my lucky day

Roballoo

Don’t worry Dennis, I’m your friend.

Dennis Jones

…man …I cant find my scissors anywhere …and there’s no one else in the house to blame the missing scissors on …so I guess I must have lost them …nothing worse than losing an important item AND not having anyone to blame it on…

Doug Jones

look over on that table where you were just cutting out paper dolls…

Don Jones

Nothing that a Dremmel tool couldn’t handle in its place.

Dennis Jones

…I found my missing scissors… they were on my drawing table… under a pile of stuff… I gotta get better organized…

Don Jones

You might check out that new software iBlind. Helps navigate around for all that stuff that’s right in front of you yet still can’t see. It works seamlessly with iDeaf. And you probably guessed the third piece of the trifecta software… iDumb.