Master Gardener

September 29, 2008


Yes, I am a master gardener. A few years ago, Karen and I bought two apple trees at Walmart and it was my responsibility to get them planted. There were instructions for planting attached that included a diagram for reference, so I figured it couldn’t be all that hard.

Step one was to dig a really big hole, which I did. Step two was to put the tree into the really big hole and fill with mulch. It seemed to me that there should probably be a little dirt around those roots, but I figured the people that wrote the instructions probably knew more about tree planting than me, so I put the trees in the holes, dumped in ten bags of mulch, watered it all real good… job finished!

That was ten years ago. Turns out I was supposed to fill those holes with dirt first and then put the mulch on top to retain the moisture. My apple trees are planted in pure mulch. No dirt to be found anywhere close to the roots of my apple trees. Maybe that’s why they blow out of the ground every time a storm kicks up. They do, however, produce apples… lots and lots of apples. I am currently eating apples… and apple muffins… and apple cake… and anything else Karen can think up to put apples into…

The Comments

Doug Jones

This must be the year for apples. Our old apple tree had so many apples on it, a large limb was hanging down and touching the ground. I have eaten a lot of apple cake recently too…

Don Jones

I always got a kick out of the “Planting Instructions for Morons” PLANT GREEN SIDE UP. Two trees? You’ve got an ORCHARD!!!

Jason Bourne

You’re a prime Johnny Appleseed. Nice work. I might plant some watermelon seeds one day….

Doug Jones

so… are you watching so much football these days that you don’t have time for art works?

Doug Jones

so… are you watching so much football these days that you don’t have time for art works?

Doug Jones

oops… delete that last comment… I must have hiccupped… how do you spell hick up?


Hey we are staying on topic with the pics pretty much here today…imagine that! Steelers v.s. Ravens?

Dennis Jones

…since we are staying on topic, Ravens are hard on apple trees… so I say Steelers…

Otto Meza

and produce apple computer too?

Jon Slone

Hey Dennis, Do they make tracers for pieces of paper bigger than notebook size? Like one for possibly an 11X14 size?

Dennis Jones

…Jon, I’m not sure what you mean by “tracers”…


To fix the trees, just pour two yards of cement around the base of the trees, they will remain quite stable in the wind. Then go down to wally world and buy a can of “Grassy Green” spray paint and vowalla, beutiffuull ceement. Just watch the the mowing.