The Seasoned Traveler

March 27, 2006


…a really big pile of my books…

I traveled deep into the heart of the Bible Belt last week, (San Francisco), to do a book signing and discovered something in the process. I am the kind of traveler that my wife hates to encounter when she’s flying. It’s not that I’m rude or obnoxious. I’m just oblivious to everything that’s going on around me. Fortunately for both of us, I was traveling alone.

I arrived at the airport in plenty of time to check in but I could not figure out how to work the auto-check-in computer. I got into another line which had a real live lady to talk to and she told me to go use the auto-check-in computer. I went back to the smug auto-check-in computer which was now mocking me and proceeded to punch buttons until it told me it could not find me in the system and to go back and talk to the lady that told me to go to the auto-check-in computer. Then the auto-check-in computer malfunctioned and quit working, a development which the people standing in line behind me did not seem to appreciate.

I finally got my ticket and proceeded to the security gate where I was stopped and was told that I could not get onto the plane because my drivers license had expired. The security guy took pity on me and let me go on through but warned me that other security people might not be so kind to me. This made the rest of my trip a pleasant experience knowing that at any point along the way I could be stopped by any security person on a whim and not allowed to go any further.

I was so happy to actually get onto my airplane that I walked several rows past my assigned seat and had to ask the line of people behind me to back up so that I could get back to my seat. They were all very gracious and hardly rolled their eyes at all.

I had a connecting flight to catch in Chicago and I got aboard that plane with no problem, but it was a very large plane and I had some trouble finding my seat. A steward saw me struggling, grabbed my ticket, looked at it and told me I had passed my seat. He walked me back to the front of the plane, helped me into my seat, and hardly rolled his eyes at all.

My wife, (who was already in San Francisco), picked me up when I arrived and then was my chauffer for the entire week since my drivers license was expired. She sure thought that was fun and hardly rolled her eyes at all.

We flew back together, but since she was in first class and I was in coach she boarded the plane long before I did. When it was time for my section to board, a flight to St. Louis had begun boarding through the same breezeway. I marched right down the breezeway to the plane that was going to St. Louis. Fortunately I figured this out before it was too late, got into the correct airplane, slid into my seat and whipped out my Ipod Nano to listen to some music. The Nano immediately ran out of juice, but that’s ok because you can power them back up with a laptop computer… which I don’t own… so I looked out the window a lot and listened to the guy snoring in the seat next to me.

We arrived back in Indiana safe and sound except for one of Karens hard shell suitcases which literally had a hole in it where one of the wheels had been ripped off. Fortunately for me I did not have that problem… my suitcases were fine… they located them somewhere in Texas… I am sure they will make it home safe and sound…

…one of these days.

The Comments

Doug Jones

Good story there, Dennis. Wish I coulda been there with you. Not that I would be of any help… but I could take some cool pictures of all the people doing their eye rolls.

Bucky Jones

Dennis, I feel your pain. The joys of Air Travel.

Don Jones

I hope you were wearing a retro Brother Jones sweatshirt with a big ol’ URL pasted on the front. The upside to venturing out of the house is that it makes being home SO MUCH better… and less conspicuous.


What? I could have gotten an autographed Bible from Mr. Jones himself? Live and in person? If I had only known you were in my home turf of the San Francisco Bay Area.

Dan Lietha

Are you doing any other book signings in the future? And how about any book readings of the SEE WITH ME BIBLE? 🙂 That would be fun to watch.

Dennis Jones

….that’s not a bad idea, Dan… a book READING… of my WORDLESS Bible… I’ll have to get busy on that one…


nice story….(rolling my eyes) : )

Joe Programmer

Some team of programmers in some obscure cubicles have failed miserably – those check-in systems are supposed to be easy enough for even artists and grandmas. Ha!

Brother Jones News Center

April 21, 2006


…live, local and breaking news at the top of each hour…

At Brother Jones News Center, when news breaks… we fix it.

Todays topic: Nutrition

New research, (supported by the Dairy Industry), shows that chocolate milk is just as effective as sports drinks, (like Gatorade), at helping athletes recover from strenuous exercise. As a finely conditioned athlete myself, I have personally switched to drinking only chocolate milk after workouts and have found this to, in fact, be true.

In further health news, it is being reported that Americans are not getting enough protein in their breakfasts any more. In an effort to remedy this in my own life, I have started adding gravy to my Cheerios in the morning.

On a totally unrelated note, I have been experiencing mysterious weight gain over the past few months. I am keeping a close eye on this crisis and will file a report on any breaking news as this situation develops.

The Comments

Doug Jones

…great reporting there, Den. Say, is that Katie Couric sitting next to you? I thot she was going over to CBS… but I guess your fringe bennys are better. All the chocolate milk you can drink and GRAVY!!

Don Jones

Do I smell bacon frying?

Dennis Jones

…mmmmmm …I’ll be back in a while… I’m headed for Crackerbarrel…


After minutes of extensive research I concluded that if you eat all the right things, don’t have any bad habits, and jog 3 miles a day…When you die, you are much healthier than other dead people. Wheres the chocomoojuice?

Doug Jones

I’m really lovin’ your new studio there, Denny. Looks like BrotherJones Special Bonus Friday! Three new pages the same day! Woo Hoo!

Don Jones

The set is very warm and inviting. A good contrast to the harsh and provactive news reporting… especially by that little poker face monkey.

Don Jones

You’ve got a similar doo to Matt Lauer.

Dennis Jones

…I taught Matt Lauer everything he knows about news reporting…

Don Jones

I’m happy to report my concrete etching is now complete. With a second coat color change the job was a complete success. NOTE: Slate grey is in reality a Slate BLUE grey. Weathered concrete is the color of choice.

Dennis Jones

…glad to hear you got your job finished, Don… I am still trying to get my front porch railing painted… what a horrible thing this has turned out to be… a nightmare from which there is no escape…

Don Jones

Rail painting can be made worse with HIGH TEMPERATURES and lots of bugs. Have you considered finding a local Boy Scout troop in need of community service?

Doug Jones

I had a BAD experience once painting some wroght iron railing. That twisting metal will drive you crazy trying to paint. … you COULD get too busy to finish, and leave it for Pete to do when he comes home. think about it.

Dennis Jones

…Pete painting is a good idea, Doug… except that he is staying in Oklahoma this summer and working his two jobs… so I STILL have to finish this crummy painting job…

Don Jones

Can’t your lovely wife sling a little paint?

Dennis Jones

…when Karen gets home and sees the “Brother Jones” job I did on the front porch that might not be all she’s slinging…

Don Jones

Get yourself to Wal-Marts and buy a bouquet and some chocolates… and get some for Karen too.

Doug Jones

Why do I have the feeling you are out painting railings today?

Don Jones

I believe he had to go into town for more paint… but I’m thinking Dennis went WAY out of town… as in San Francisco or SOMEthing…