Behind The Scene At Bro-Jones

April 1, 2007

BobbleHeadPoster

…NEW 2007 Brother Jones Motivational Poster…

People seem to think it’s all fun and games here at Brother Jones, but that’s just for public consumption. Behind the scenes, Brother Jones is a typical, dog eat dog, pressure cooker big business. To demonstrate just how cut throat it is around here, I am releasing excerpts from a recent, top-secret email conversation we had just last week. I hope the rough language and general harsh tone of this email is not too shocking to any of our readers. If so, I do apologize.

(this email has been slightly edited to keep us out of trouble… and to make me look better)

Emailer to Brother Don…
I am interested in featuring you and your brothers in the next issue of our alumni publication which I’m sure you receive. Your story will run as a Spotlight which appears in the Class Notes section. If you could get back in touch with me in the next couple days and let me know if y’all are interested, that’d be great.

Don…
That sounds good to me… but I need to float it by the other two Jones brothers.

Emailer…
I’m glad to hear you’re interested and I hope the other brothers are too! Because you all live in different states, one brother will need to be the spokesman for the group. I will conduct the main interview with that brother. We will also need a color photograph of the three of you, preferably one in which you’re all together.

Don to Doug & Dennis…
Looks like the alumni magazine is desperate for material. Let me know how to proceed…

Dennis…
Hoo HOO …FREE PRESS!!! …I have never received an alumni magazine in my life… could you please negotiate one for me…

Don…
I take it from your response that we should proceed. I just don’t want to look stupid. I had so many close friends and associates in college. I would hate to spoil their impression of me as a smart, intelligent, talented successful sort…

Doug…
You are the official spokesman, Don. Good luck on the photo…
DON’T use that crappy one of us grilling at Jonesapalooza…

Dennis…
I agree …don’t use that one… use the one where our heads are on the bobble head dolls… much classier…

Doug…
And don’t forget to tell them how I created GOOGLE but you stole it from me and sold it for a box of Krispy Krack (Kremes)…

Dennis…
Don’t forget to mention my failed presidential bid back in ‘76…

Doug…
I heard someone on TV a while back refer to Krispy Kremes as Krispy Krack… made me laugh…

Dennis…
Dont forget to add Socmo in his mexican hat!

Doug…
Actually, I like the bobble head doll idea. It’d be cool if it was sitting on president Bush’s desk…

Don…
O.K. You knuckleheads… I just e-mailed the powers that be… so they should be coming back to us with questions…

For the sake of brevity, this email was trimmed down considerably for publication. The full version went back and forth for quite some time and much of our valuable work day was squandered in producing it… needless to say, we were all pretty proud of that. In conclusion, behind the scenes, Brother Jones is just your typical vicious, dog eat dog, big business corporate interest. I’m sorry to have to be the one to expose this to the public, but I felt our stockholders needed to know the truth.

The Comments

Dan Lietha

The caption says, “another failed attempt at humor” but I laughed out loud upon seeing todays entry. You Jones Brothers are a HOOT!

Dennis Jones

…here at Brother Jones we believe it’s much easier to work as a team when no one has any idea where they’re going…

Keegan Jones

LOL – So funny.

Dennis Jones

…our motto here at Brother Jones is… if you can’t learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly…

Don Jones

brotherjones.com … “Stupidity goes in before the website bugs out.”

Dennis Jones

…Brother Jones… “When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there’s no end to what you can’t do.”

Don Jones

Brother Jones Over stated and under thought.

Dennis Jones

…here at Brother Jones we believe in mediocrity… it takes a lot less time and most people won’t notice the difference until it’s too late…

Don Jones

Brother Jones… we don’t try harder… in fact, we don’t even wanna give a good effort.

Dennis Jones

…at BrotherJones.Com much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress…

Dan Lietha

Brother Jones could come out with a line of products like this company has: despair.com Scroll down and click on these posters. Very FUNNY! 🙂

Dennis Jones

…there’s a place on that site to generate your own motivational poster… so I did one (above) for us!

Don Jones

I love these demotivational sayings. It speaks to my inner being … my guts.

Dennis Jones

…I make a motion we buy a bunch of the de-motivational posters and hang them in the Brother Jones reception lobby…

Doug Jones

Sheesh! I went to the dentist this morning to have my teeth sharpened and rotated… and miss all the excitement of a new post! I see that I will have to watch what I say in my PRIVATE emails from now on… since they really aren’t PRIVATE anymore…

Dennis Jones

…well Doug, as you can see, Don and I have been furiously working on a new Brother Jones mission statement and or motto…

Don Jones

Aye! And I also second that motion. For richer, for poorer.

Dennis Jones

…as long as we are all in the board room together, I just wanted you two to know… I sent out a strongly worded office memo saying that we had better not see any more private emails being published on the internet, OR ELSE…

Bob

or else what?

Dennis Jones

…I’m thinking a good old fashioned Philippine caning would do the trick…

Doug Jones

sugar cane… I LOVE that brown sugar cane sugar in my coffee…

Dennis Jones

…that’s what I’m talking about… a good old fashioned brown sugar caning…

Doug Jones

Don must be golfing today… we can talk about him all we want…

Dennis Jones

…so is Don the one that tp’d your tree picture?..it wasn’t me… that’s pretty funny…

Doug Jones

an excellent job! … he’s wasting his skills out on that golf course.

Dennis Jones

…now I’m wondering something… on one of my recent posts someone mystery posted a palette with a happy face on it… I assumed it was you, Doug… was it? …or was that Don?

Doug Jones

guilty…

Don Jones

I’mmmmm baaaaaccckkkk. First off, turbinado sugar is the BEST!! Second off, on occasion I have been known to let myself in to your CMS areas and just sort of noze around. But I do turn the lights off when I leave. No harm done.

Dennis Jones

…Don …I believe I am going to have to nominate you for some sort of Brother Jones Web Award because the whole idea of sneaking into someone else’s web space and t.p.-ing their PICTURE of a tree is genius…

Don Jones

I accept that nomination and would like to thank all the little people I have crushed on my way to the top. I’d like to thank my wife who has stood by me through thick and …. thicker, as well as my lovely children who I really appreciate and value during tax season.

JEFF

A shocking insight into what makes the corporate world turn.. I will use this to make my own work life much gooder..

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SMS You

June 18, 2007

MeFreshman

…a bright eyed, SMSU college freshman…

MeSophmore

…one year of quality SMSU education later…

Mom and Dad sent all six of their kids through Southwest Missouri State University. I went through in the mid 70’s. I made it into the yearbook my freshman year… barely made it into the yearbook my sophomore year… and then didn’t seem to make it into any yearbooks after that…

I’m happy that there’s a photographic record to verify that I did indeed attended college… because I seem to have lost my diploma… and trying to convince people that I am college educated seems to be a really hard sell these days.

The Comments

Doug Jones

You went to college? Hmmm…. I thought you went from high school straight to your job as a Mongolian yak herder…

Don Jones

Who in their right mind would believe our Dad was a barber?

Doug Jones7

Dennis has been keeping a really big secret. He has actually starred in GEICO TV commercials….

Dennis Jones

…I did herd Mongolian yak for a couple of weeks between high school and college… lucky for me it was during that brief period of time that a big time Hollywood talent scout discovered me and landed the Geico Caveman TV gig for me…

Little Blue

June 20, 2007

BlueDog1

…sit, Blue, sit… good boy…

BlueDog2

…roll over, Blue, roll over… atta boy… good job…

BlueDog3

…whoa, come back here, Blue… uhm… good dog…

I got a new dog. I’m teaching him some tricks. He’s really smart. I think he has a diploma from SMSU. The good thing about Little Blue is that he’s such a low maintenance dog… which is pretty much what I’m looking for at this point in life.

The Comments

Doug Jones

I like that wooly texture on old Blue. He must have eaten a lot of that cheap, Chinese dog food to round off his teeth like that… How many hours did it take to make him?

Don Jones

I’d trade our high maintenance Lola on this little feller in a snap! I like that hot pink tongue.

Keegan Jones

Seriously, that is awesome. I’d buy one. Time to open up the Brother Jones chinese manufacturing plant.

Don Jones

I don’t think that is made out of socks. I suspect your lovely wife is missing a sweater or something.

Dennis Jones

…hey, I’m checking in from Grand Rapids, Michigan… NickJonesEverybody was up here filming some big hooha, so I drove up to see him and let him fix my laptop which I had kinda messed up… I also let him set up some FTP software I needed and then let him show me how it worked… after that I let him buy me dinner… and let him share his hotel room with me… man, when is that kid going to quit depending on me for everything…

Don Jones

That made me laugh… The Jones Brothers are pathetic… thankyouverymuch.

Doug Jones

It seems that the next generation Joneses are the Geek Squad for BrotherJones. it’s a good thing…

Don Jones

That is a correct analysis Ouglas. I am happy to report I lost my keys at work yesterday… After about an hour of searching i found them in an upper cabinet where I keep paper and books. Can you say early signs of dementia?

From the dementia website: Things to look for: Memory loss- Repeating the same thing over and over- Difficulty naming items- Losing things or getting lost more often (DING DING DING… we have a winner!) You may also see changes in the way they behave. These changes may become more pronounced with time. Your loved one may have a hard time with other tasks: Using the phone (I can’t figure them out anymore) Dressing appropriately ( I wear plaid and stripes together… is this a problem?) Planning or preparing meals (I have SlimFast with Ho Ho’s) Playing a game (You already know about my golf game…)

Dennis Jones

…I’m back from Michigan… while there I noticed a fabric store having a sale and found the thread I use for sock animals on sale for half price so I got five spools and went to the checkout counter where the lady says, “what do you do with all this upholstery thread?” and I said, “I sew up animals” and she said, “well, I guess you need pretty strong thread to do that”…

Don Jones

She thought you were a vet.

Doug Jones

Dennis fought in the big war…

Dennis Jones

…then I wandered into the Salvation Army Store across the street and asked the lady in there if they had any socks… she glanced around the store once and said, “I don’t know… I don’t work here”…

Don Jones

I’m telling you all, it’s dementia setting in.
I’m telling you all, it’s dementia setting in.

Dennis Jones

…then I went into a comic shop and found a comic I kinda liked but had never heard of before so I asked the guy running the store if he knew anything about this new comic and he said, “only that I don’t care for it at all”… oh… thanks so much for your help…

Roballoo

Did the Salvation Army Store have any ties? Great dogie btw, but does it prove you’ve been watching too many episodes of Blue’s Clues?

Jeff

I think we will someday see Dennis Jones Sock animals on Antique Roadshow.. This one will be from his “Blue Period” HA!