Christmas Vacation

December 15, 2005

ChristmasVacation

Its time for the Annual Brother Jones Christmas Vacation report.

Karen had me string up a bunch of lights on the front porch. They looked beautiful for about ten seconds then something popped and they quit. I had to call an electrician to come out and replace two outdoor sockets. So far, so good.

One of our bathroom stools decided it would start running continuously. If it had been any other stool in the house I would have been able to ignore it and hope it would somehow miraculously heal itself, but since it was the one right next to my studio I could not. I replaced the gasket myself, but it took me half a day to do it.

My internet service has been on and off all month. An email finally snuck thru and it was from Keegan telling me my brand new DJ-ART website was gone for some reason and he was going to have to rebuild it. Somehow that one did miraculously heal itself.

A coyote took a chunk out of my dogs hind leg.

Last night I was taking a shower and the lights went out, then they came back on, and then they flickered several times. I later discovered that all this surging power had fried one of my Direct TV boxes. I was blessed to have the opportunity to purchase another one of those last evening.

The weather forecast is predicting blizzard like conditions for the exact days we are going to be traveling during the holidays.

And, last but not least when I tried to post this journal article today I got the dreaded FATAL ERROR message on my computer screen which means this fine epistle may never see the light of day

but

HEY, KIDS, I HEARD ON THE NEWS THAT AN AIRLINE PILOT SPOTTED SANTA’S SLEIGH ON IT’S WAY IN FROM NEW YORK CITY!

You serious, Clark?

The Comments

Doug Jones

my, my… somehow my life appears to be pretty good… in comparison… I feel much better now… hey Clark, since we won’t see you Christmas, go to your local WalMart and pick out a present for yourself… something REAL NICE!

Don Jones

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.

Dennis Jones

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?

Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

Doug Jones

OK… you made me laugh… why is this still so funny when I have heard it 3 brazilian times before?

Doug (not Jones)

Subject: Jelly of the month club- Eddie: “Clark, it’s the gift that keeps on giving all year long.”

Nick Jones Everybody

Clark: my cousin eddy’s heart’s bigger then his brain. Eddy: I appreciate that clark -Hallelujah… where’s the Tylenol…

Dennis Jones

Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain…

Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.

Dennis Jones

…well, that was interesting… Nick and I posted the same thing at exactly the same time…

Don Jones

do do do doooo… do do do dooo… That’s a little Twilight Zone background music for the Nick and Dennis identical comments.

Dennis Jones

Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark? Clark: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights

Doug (not Jones)

Clark: Whats that sound? Eddie: Thats just snots yaking up a turkey bone, don’t worry about him, he’ll be alright.

Dennis Jones

Clark: We’re kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.

Audrey: We’re not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it are we?

Clark: No, I have one of those at home.

Betsy

One of my favorites: Eddie: I don’t know if I oughta go sailin down no hill with nothin between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic. Clark: Do you really think it matters Eddie?

Dennis Jones

Eddie: It’s a good vehicle, ain’t it? But don’t you go falling in love with it now. Cause we’re taking it with us when we leave here next month.

[Clark chokes on egg-nog]

Roberto

Is anybody out there in America working right now, or just browsing the Bro Jones site & posting Christmas Vacation quotes? Clark: Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the suit cases, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.

Nick Jones Everybody

Russ: Dad, that tree wouldn’t fit in our yard! Clark: It’s not going in our yard, Russ, it’s going in our living room.

Dennis Jones

Art: The little lights are not twinkling.

Clark: I know Art and, thanks for noticing.

Roberto

Audrey: I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas. Art: If they know your dad, they won’t think anything of it. The same thing could be said by my boys about me.

Banshee

I always liked how when he plugged in his Christmas lights, the whole city suffered a power drain. FOWA: week of 4-10-05

Don Jones

Here at the home we caught the television showing of this the other night… always good for a laugh.

mark davidson

The Queen of shopping graced me with her prescence and proved to me once again why she is the Queen! 21 hours of non stop shopping action was qwite a feat for someone of her age.

Queen of Shopping

Wow! I am pleased that I retain the title at my age. However, I can’t account for those alleged 21 hours. Maybe being stopped for a sobriety test erased my memory. What a joy, however, to spend time with fam at Christmas! DJ-art still rocks!!! (If only he had my little brother’s David Cassidy guitar he could REALLY rock!)

Pete Jones

thats awesome dude!

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New For 2006!

February 7, 2006

2006Calendar

…new stuff is headed for the Brother Jones Web Site…

I hate to let the cat out of the bag, but there are going to be some pretty neat changes coming to Brother Jones in the very near future. One of those changes will be in the Brother Jones Souvenir and Gift Shop. There will now be actual merchandise in the shop which you can purchase with actual money. Sam Walton would be so proud.

In preparation for this I am submitting for your approval (Rod Serling/Twilight Zone) the Dennis Jones 2006 Sketchbook Wall Calendar.

I can hardly wait for the marching bands and ribbon cutting ceremonies at the Grand Opening of the Brand New and Improved Brother Jones Web Site. Don’t miss it!

The Comments

Doug Jones

In my crystal ball I see rivers of money flowing your way!

Dennis Jones

…is that the beautiful green crystal gazing ball out in front of your house in the flower bed that you are looking into? All I see when I look into that thing is a bald headed guy looking back at me…

Doug Jones

that bald headed guy looking at you would be your evil twin…. Gollum

Don Jones

Oh … this could very well be your cash cow Den … but then again, you also picked Seattle to win the Super Bowl. The only thing I thought this calendar needed was your website address… and official logo… on EVERY PAGE MAN!!! What are you thinking?

Dennis Jones

…Karen and I just got back from having eye exams… they dilated our eyes and told us our vision would be blurred for a couple of hours… so instead of going home we wandered around Walmart, the grocery store, and several other places partially blind…

…it is interesting to drive when your vision is blurred… Karen told me I was driving like Mr McGoo… I did have to yell out my car window once and tell a guy that if he didn’t like my driving, stay off the sidewalk…

Don Jones

You know Glue-coma is a family curse.

Dennis Jones

…thats what ya get when you accidently pick up the bottle of Elmer’s instead of the bottle of eye drops…

Doug Jones

I’m thinkin SocMo calendar now…

Dennis Jones

…my thinking was twelve of anything makes a pretty good Brother Jones Calendar…

Bucky Jones

I wanna be a Jones Brother, too! Wish my name started with a “D”. ___Great stuff!!!!

Dennis Jones

…Bucky is close enough… welcome to the club…

Bucky Jones

Thanks, Dennis. Now, who do I sit next to at the dinner table? Does Doug chew with his mouth open? Just asking.

Dennis Jones

…thats not as much of a problem as the flying elbows when the food first hits the table… I personally always try to sit next to the kids… they are much easier to muscle off the mashed potato bowl…

Bucky Jones

Cool!—I’ll wear my bib, bring my own TV tray and I’ll see you guys at dinnertime!

marcelo from Brasil!!!!!!

OHHHHHHH how i want one of those wall calendars!!!!!! but i told you that its hard to find someone with a international card … hey Mr jones, give a hand to your fan from the other hemisphere!!!! ill send you the tree times more money !!!!but please!!!! i need one of those things…and a mug too, of course !!!! ill make a worwide campagin : ” Give peace a chance, and a 2006 skechtbook wall calendar to marcelo…and a mug!!!!” hehehehehe…

Dennis Jones

Yes Marcelo, I agree with you… the solution to having peace in the world is a 2006 Dennis Jones Sketchbook Wall Calendar… if only everyone in the world had one my problems would be over… I mean THEIR problems would be over… peace and tranquility would reign… I have about convinced myself to buy one… let world peace begin and let it begin with me! …come on everybody, follow my lead… to the Brother Jones Gift Shop…