Mutant Sock Monkeys

October 11, 2005

MutantSockMonkey

I cannot stay awake for an entire Monday Night Football game. If I plop down in front of a TV late at night I can only last an hour… maybe two before I fall fast asleep. Last nights game was a good one, so I made plans to stay awake for the whole thing.

Before the game started I drove to Walmart and (being secure in my manhood) bought a needle, thread and some buttons. I got a few odd looks from the ladies shopping in the sewing section with me, but I can handle it.

I drove back home, turned on the game, and built this mutant sock monkey while it was on.

I now plan to build an entire army of Monday Night Football Mutant Sock Monkeys. One day, my Monday Night Football Mutant Sock Monkeys and I will RULE THE WORLD Ha Ha Ha Ha…

ha ha… … … … ha… …

eh… … ahem…

…the good news is this did indeed keep me awake for the entire game. I even saw Ben Roethlisberger take the wicked hit to his leg at the end… hope he’s ok… seems to be a pretty good guy…

The Comments

Don Jones

That monkey is juiced! I’m guessing you didn’t follow any Sock Monkey blueprints. Maybe there is a market for VooDoo SocMonkeys. Stick a few pins in this and see if anyone complains.

Dennis Jones

..this is one strong monkey… look at those arms… I wanted to put a hat on him like Socmo… but his head doesn’t seem to want to cooperate…

Don Jones

Has Karen missed her sock yet?

Dennis Jones

I’m not that stupid… that’s one of my old socks… I’m not really wearing green argyles a lot these days…

Don Jones

It appears this sock monkey has nice dental work.

Dennis Jones

…and a somewhat pleasant personality… well… for a mutant sock monkey anyway…

Don Jones

I’m thinking you could name these sock monkeys based on someone from the MNF game like the Madden trailer. Invert his left knee and this could be Big Ben.

Doug Jones

SocMo is in L-O-V-E! He is requesting a phone number for this beauty.

Dennis Jones

867-5309… Tommy Tutone

Andy Smith

Hey How many socks does it take to make a sweet Mutant Sock Monkey?

Dennis Jones

…hmmm… I’m not sure if this is one of those “how many Jones’s does it take to screw in a light bulb” kind of questions or an honest to goodness question question… so I will gamble on it being the latter and say two…

Denis Kabistan

It’s a Jones conspiracy !

Don Jones

I just got back from the all new Liger Shoppe. Man, my head is spinning. So much Liger merchandise to choose from. I think I left my shopping cart on aisle seven…

Dennis Jones

…Don, there is a fine looking yellow man-bag that I think you would look really nice in at the Liger Shop…

Don Jones

You can’t fool me… man bag… yea right. That is your basic female canvas beach book tote. I will wait until it goes on sale.

Tami

Mutant sock monkeys…be very afraid. Do you guys mind if I post a link to your web site on mine…since I already did it? Just wanted to share the joy (and the Liger Shop)!

Dennis Jones

Hi Tami… Nice of you to drop by Brother Jones again… sure, link us up… and post a comment once in a while like you did in the old days so we can raise the level of discourse around this place…

Doug Jones

Tami… I was just checking our records and I think your semi-annual BrotherJones fees are due. pay up.

Don Jones

I checked out Tami’s site and she out-classes us by a mile. She’s got good grammer and spelling and everthing going on. Instead of listing us on the LINKS page… she might want to create a more appropriate DETOUR page to our web uRL.

Doug Jones

URL place, or mine? a little web humor there….

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One-Eyed Tin Man

July 31, 2006

TinManPencil

…pencil…

TinManColor

…color…

Karen sent me to WalMart this weekend and told me to buy something that would eliminate the 850 moles that are currently wreaking havoc in our yard. I had two options there… one was in a white jug that said Eco-Friendly at the top. The other was in a yellow container and in big red letters at the top it just said KILL. That’s the one I chose.

I guess I got an eco-friendly clerk when I was checking out because when she saw what I was buying she said, ”…what’s this?? …I’m not going to sell this to you!” Then she turned to the people standing behind me in line and said ”…look what he’s going to do to the poor moles at his house!”

This, of course, was just another typical trip out of the house for me…

The Comments

Doug Jones

If he went to the Wizard, I bet HE would give him an eye…

Dennis Jones

…now how did that story go? …the tin man wanted a new eye …the lion a new tail … and Dorothy some new flying monkeys?? …I have trouble keeping that all straight…

Don Jones

Tin Man… WD-40 – ScareCrow… Charcoal Fluid – Lion… A coupon to Style Barbershop – Dorothy… a new pair of flipflops. Death to Moles!!

Betsy

We found an interesting gadget in our fight against the moles. You buy this little contraption and secure it to the exhaust pipe on your car. The other end screws on to a regular garden hose. The idea is to stick the hose in the ground and kill them with the exhaust from the car. We tried this, but the car made a strange squealing sound and I decided I would rather have a working car than dead moles!

Dennis Jones

…Betsy, I tried something similar with a car… except I tried putting a fishing line down the mole hole with a Hershey Bar attached to the hook and then attached the line to the exhaust pipe of my car so that I could pull the mole out of the ground when it hit the bait… but I ran out of gas waiting for this to happen…

Betsy

Have you tried the smoke bombs that look like dynamite? I tried some of those a few months ago. However I was a little slow in getting one in the hole and it burst into flame while I was holding it and proceeded to smoke me out of the backyard. Andy won’t let me use those anymore! 😦

bernardfromtheyard

Wow! Talk about color combinations…the colors for this piece are awesome. Looks like the Tin Man was out in a field of dandylions a little too long?

roballoo

Wow from me too!

Doug Jones

Wow… I just realized that wow spelled backwards is still WOW!…. WoW!

Doug Jones

and WoW spelled upside down is MoM…

Master Gardener

September 29, 2008

Yapples1Yapples2

Yes, I am a master gardener. A few years ago, Karen and I bought two apple trees at Walmart and it was my responsibility to get them planted. There were instructions for planting attached that included a diagram for reference, so I figured it couldn’t be all that hard.

Step one was to dig a really big hole, which I did. Step two was to put the tree into the really big hole and fill with mulch. It seemed to me that there should probably be a little dirt around those roots, but I figured the people that wrote the instructions probably knew more about tree planting than me, so I put the trees in the holes, dumped in ten bags of mulch, watered it all real good… job finished!

That was ten years ago. Turns out I was supposed to fill those holes with dirt first and then put the mulch on top to retain the moisture. My apple trees are planted in pure mulch. No dirt to be found anywhere close to the roots of my apple trees. Maybe that’s why they blow out of the ground every time a storm kicks up. They do, however, produce apples… lots and lots of apples. I am currently eating apples… and apple muffins… and apple cake… and anything else Karen can think up to put apples into…

The Comments

Doug Jones

This must be the year for apples. Our old apple tree had so many apples on it, a large limb was hanging down and touching the ground. I have eaten a lot of apple cake recently too…

Don Jones

I always got a kick out of the “Planting Instructions for Morons” PLANT GREEN SIDE UP. Two trees? You’ve got an ORCHARD!!!

Jason Bourne

You’re a prime Johnny Appleseed. Nice work. I might plant some watermelon seeds one day….

Doug Jones

so… are you watching so much football these days that you don’t have time for art works?

Doug Jones

so… are you watching so much football these days that you don’t have time for art works?

Doug Jones

oops… delete that last comment… I must have hiccupped… how do you spell hick up?

Bernard

Hey we are staying on topic with the pics pretty much here today…imagine that! Steelers v.s. Ravens?

Dennis Jones

…since we are staying on topic, Ravens are hard on apple trees… so I say Steelers…

Otto Meza

and produce apple computer too?

Jon Slone

Hey Dennis, Do they make tracers for pieces of paper bigger than notebook size? Like one for possibly an 11X14 size?

Dennis Jones

…Jon, I’m not sure what you mean by “tracers”…

wobblyhalo

To fix the trees, just pour two yards of cement around the base of the trees, they will remain quite stable in the wind. Then go down to wally world and buy a can of “Grassy Green” spray paint and vowalla, beutiffuull ceement. Just watch the the mowing.